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Posts by Brianne
Joined: Sep 17, 2009
Last Post: Feb 6, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 17  
From: Philippines

Displayed posts: 19
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Brianne   
Jan 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

Thanks sir. I consulted my prof. again. She said that I should research about why same sex marriage is legalized in some states despite that it has been disapproved before. For example: in California. and she also said that I should highlight experience. Like the movie "MILK", it's about sexuality. I should relate it in my introduction. Can you help me? I can't find any of these in the net.
Brianne   
Jan 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

Can you please help me again? I am asked to revise my introduction. The bold sentence is my thesis statement. Please help me edit this introduction. My professor said "I should include Historical perspective of banning same sex marriage alongside allowing same sex (by regions or countries - history highlights experiences)" I'm having a hard time because we're asked to write academically so please help me. I'm only given a days to revise it. Please add it to my introduction.

[...] Banning same sex marriage violates people's equal rights and heightens the issue on separation of church and state.
Brianne   
Nov 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

I really hope I receive a good grade for this.

Today, I had consulted my professor and she said that my thesis statement is too long: "Despite the arguments against same sex marriages stating it is impossible by definition, a personal lifestyle choice, and encourages a bad environment to raise children; same sex marriages should be legalized because people are being denied both equal rights and the separation of the church and state, plus, same sex parenting has not shown significant negative impacts on children."

and she said that I need to make it shorter and she suggested it to be:

"Same sex marriages should be legalized because people are being denied both equal rights and the separation of the church and state."

Can someone help me make this thesis statement parallel. "...both equal rights and the separation of the church and state."

and another question, should I take the thesis statement she suggested? Is it a strong thesis statement or weak?

If you were in my place, what would you do? If you will not take her suggestion, how would you revise my thesis statement?

Please help me. I only had 2 weeks left for my paper.
Brianne   
Nov 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

Thank you very much.

I am currently fixing the body of my argumentative paper.

Please check the last two paragraph first:

SEE ABOVE

America has struggled through many controversies, especially over equal rights. The definition of marriage and concerns for procreation and parenting discourage the legalization of same sex marriages, but it is important to recognize the discrimination same sex couples face as they try to live a normal life with separation of church and state. Evidence suggesting one's sexual orientation is biological and homosexual parenting may be beneficial or insignificant in the raising of children is discriminating. As more homosexual couples fight for their rights to have family and live normal lives, the issue of legalizing gay marriages will continue to strengthen. It is now up to America to agree upon a compromise of the two sides and legalize civil unions for same sex couples. It is up to America to allow civil unions to grant same sex couples the same benefits married couples receive. Without the change, the debate will continue to grow and discrimination against same sex couples will continue to hold them back from receiving the same respect and rights all Americans deserve to have.
Brianne   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

I have revised my introduction. Please check:

Imagine finding the love of your life, your soul mate. Imagine being happier than you have ever been in your life, and wanting to share your life with him or her forever through sickness and in health. Imagine wanting to pronounce your love through marriage. Imagine your own government taking away your right to do this, not allowing you to get married, or to receive the same treatment and benefits all others couples receive, just because the person you are in love with happens to be the same sex as you. The debate over same sex marriage in the United States involves...

SEE ABOVE
Brianne   
Oct 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

Sorry. I forgot to cite the source where I got it from.

This would be the next paragraph that comes after. Please kindly check my work.

It is believed by many that homosexual couples already received the same equal rights as everyone else because some view homosexuality as a choice in lifestyle. The exact cause for one's sexual orientation has been debated. According to Britannica Encyclopedia, "Homosexual orientation, like sexuality in general, apparently results from a combination of hereditary factors and social or environmental influences and it tends to coexist with heterosexual feelings in varying degrees in different individuals". However, several others believe homosexuality to be a personal choice. Several religions also believe that everyone has the ability to be heterosexual, but some people choose to "sin" or perform in homosexual activities. It would not make sense to change the laws of marriage to include people who chose a different lifestyle; however, evidence today is suggesting otherwise.
Brianne   
Oct 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE - revise my introduction, argumentative paper. [32]

TOPIC : LEGALIZATION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE

Imagine finding the love of your life, your soul mate. Imagine being happier than you have ever been in your life, and wanting to share your life with him or her forever through sickness and in health. Imagine wanting to pronounce your love through marriage. Imagine your own government taking away your right to do this, not allowing you to get married, or to receive the same treatment and benefits all others couples receive, just because the person you are in love with happens to be the same sex as you. The debate over same sex marriage in the United States involves several issues. Recently, marriage has been thought to be between a man and a woman in which the word itself is defined. As marriage supports procreation and society recognizes the significance of each other's spouse, married couples receive several benefits from the government. The problem lies in that same sex couples are denied these same benefits and recognition from the society. This discrimination can be viewed as a violation of equal rights. The influence religious views have on banning same sex marriage can bring up the question whether there is true separation of church and state. If same sex marriages are legalized, the number of same sex parents and families are predicted to increase. This raises another debate on whether or not having same sex parents has a negative impact on children. Hawaii, California, Massachusetts, and New Jersey are currently the only states to formally recognize "domestic partnerships", allowing same sex couples to apply for some of the state run benefits afforded to the married. However, the legalization of same sex marriages is being fought for the entire country. Banning same sex marriage violates people's equal rights and heightens the issue on separation of church and state.
Brianne   
Sep 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / "All Cultures Are Created Equal" - Is this categorized as an analytical paper? [3]

All Cultures Are Created Equal

People from cultures of all types seem to have a tendency to believe that they are superior to others in just about every way imaginable. While this may not be true for everyone, a large majority of the world tends to feel this way. This ideology is quite apparent when people attempt to compare their cultures to others. This condescending nature of human beings to feel as if their culture is superior to others can be challenged by Ishmael Reed's arguments in: "America: The Multinational Society" that most culture coexist and respect one another, Leslie Marmon Silko's claim that discrimination is destructive in "Yellow Woman and a Beauty of the Spirit," as well as Billy Collins' views on intellectual and creative equality in his poems, "You, Reader" and "Flock." However, these feelings of superiority are unfounded as no one culture is truly greater than any other, because if all people are created equal, then all cultures should be equal, moreover, all cultures experience the similar problems, and they all discriminate against one another.

Certainly, the idea that all people are created equal can either be traced back to their religious views, particularly the Christian religious views that believe all people are created in the image and likeness of God (Holy Bible, Genesis 1. 26-27), or their culture. Regardless of faith, many people still believe that no one person is worth more than another, no matter what race, religion, or culture they originate from. In support of equality of all cultures, Ishmael Reed argues in his article, "America: The Multinational Society," that because of the different cultures' ability to interact with one another, they reinforce each other on equal basis. For instance, Reed describes a story he was told about the city of Detroit as follows: "He said that one section included mosques, built by the Islamic people who dwelled there. Attending his reading, he said, were large numbers of Hispanic people, forty thousand of whom lived in the same city" (359). This example can be seen as evidence of a society progressing into a future where everyone is treated equally, although there is still a long way to go. Not only are people of different races and cultures living in the same city together, but they are also worshipping and socializing together. In fact, these fusions of cultures can even be seen in fast food restaurants where "One of the artists told me that his paintings, which included African and Afro-American mythological symbols and imagery, were hanging in the local McDonald's restaurant" (359), attracting many customers from different cultures, which illustrates the fact that art enriches all people irrespective of cultures.

In addition, Billy Collins also features the same philosophy of equality between all people in his online poem, "You, Reader." This poem focuses on the intellectual equality between the poet and his readers. "It was just a matter of time before one of us happened to notice the unlit candles and the clock humming on the wall." The fact that either Collins or the reader could have been inspired by these symbols to write this poem emphasizes Collins' recognition of universal intellectual or creative equality, which shares the same level of equality of all people from different cultures who read his poems. If all people truly are equal, then how can it be that people from one culture can be better than others?

Since all cultures contain people of equal worth, it seems certain that these people would share similar problems. So, all cultures, whether it is American, North Korean, or Russian, or African, or any other culture, worry about the same necessities of life and self preservation. People even tend to borrow ideas from other cultures to develop theirs, as questioned by Reed, "Are the Russians, who are often criticized for their adoption of 'Western' ways by Tsarist dissidents in exile, members of Western civilization?" (360). It is obvious that money, security, and stability within the country seem to be the most prominent problems throughout every culture. How can one culture be superior to another when they all have to worry about the same issues? No one culture is above these problems, which means that they cannot possibly be above any other culture either.

Another issue no culture is above is discrimination which is mainly a result of ignorance and superiority complex. Leslie Marmon Silko, author of "Yellow Woman and a Beauty of the Spirit," has experienced discrimination many times as she grows up different from the rest of the people in a Laguna Pueblo reservation on the Rio Grande. Silko is a mix of Mexican, European, and Laguna ancestry while the other people in the reservation are completely Laguna, so she becomes the subject of ridicule because of it. Silko recounts the people's discriminatory attitude that "Younger people, people my parents' age, seemed to look at the world in a more modern way. The modern way included racism" (373). Reservations are far from the only place where racism or discrimination occurs. People have seen it in the media, in their places of business, even just walking down the streets, regardless of which culture they belong to. Similarly, the subject of "fitting in" is also the central focus of Billy Collins' poem, "Flock." In this poem, Collins describes a flock of sheep and how similar they all look to each other that it would be impossible to tell them apart. The image of "a flock of sheep," represents all Laguna people in Silko's hometown because they all look similar the way the sheep do. Since Silko does not look identical to the rest of the flock, she remains an outsider which leads to the discrimination against her, similar to what Hispanics and African- Americans experience in society.

Finally, Silko is not alone in her feeling, however, since discrimination exists within every culture, perhaps the superiority complex some cultures feel will never disappear completely, but hopefully it will diminish over time. The truth remains that no one culture has any advantage over another, and is in no way superior. While there are, of course, differences among cultures; who is to say which differences are better than the others? It all depends upon each person's personal perception, but for peaceful coexistence, all cultures are equal. Maintaining this equality is the way of the future, hopefully, not-so-distant future.
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