vanshika2001
Oct 21, 2018
Undergraduate / Essay for Princeton University - why you are interested in studying Engineering? [3]
I hope this helps! The corrections you see here are mostly grammatical edits. You can post the edited version and I'll be happy to look over it one more time. Also, I know it is kind of confusing, but I only put the corrections here. So, sentences that you didn't need to alter aren't written in the interest of saving space. Basically, if you don't see a sentence here, it doesn't mean I took it out of the essay, it just didn't need to be changed.
I think that My interest ... My interest ... stemmed from Growing up in South Korea,where I lived in a high rise ... where I had a good view of the fireworks that were frequently set off in the park.a good view ...
... and Mentos. This, and this became ... be my last, as Princeton ... in interesting engineering topics such as this with my ...
... assembling partslike Legos. ... wind up toy parts. The fact and the fact that I could ...
Funnily enough,I didn't truly recognize the merits of engineering through these endeavors.my first ... any of this.
... in engineering, as what ... the missions trips to Pine Ridge ...
... getting bored.and As a way ...
... knowledge and a couple youtube videosI had seen prior to make an ...
... reinvigoratedthe passion of the enthusiasm for [I did this because you use passion in the sentence already.] engineering in me.
As my interests ... play a role in it.
I don't think this paragraph is necessary, as it doesn't state any of your accomplishments and is essentially saying things you've already written. Removing it will also get you closer to the word count.
A large part of engineering is recognizing problems in the world, and the interdisciplinary curriculum Princeton offers me the chance to do this. I was given the ...
... such as amicroencapsulation ... and a water ... from the airin places ... water was an eye-opener, as it helped me realized the kind ...
All in all, studying engineering ...
I hope this helps! The corrections you see here are mostly grammatical edits. You can post the edited version and I'll be happy to look over it one more time. Also, I know it is kind of confusing, but I only put the corrections here. So, sentences that you didn't need to alter aren't written in the interest of saving space. Basically, if you don't see a sentence here, it doesn't mean I took it out of the essay, it just didn't need to be changed.
... and Mentos. This
... assembling parts
Funnily enough,I didn't truly recognize the merits of engineering through these endeavors.
... in engineering, as what ... the mission
... getting bored.
... knowledge and a couple youtube videos
... reinvigorated
I don't think this paragraph is necessary, as it doesn't state any of your accomplishments and is essentially saying things you've already written. Removing it will also get you closer to the word count.
A large part of engineering is recognizing problems in the world, and the interdisciplinary curriculum Princeton offers me the chance to do this. I was given the ...
... such as amicroencapsulation ... and a water ... from the air
All in all, studying engineering ...