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Posts by vanshika2001
Name: Vanshika Jhonsa
Joined: Oct 21, 2018
Last Post: Oct 21, 2018
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
Likes: 1
From: USA
School: Dawson High School

Displayed posts: 2
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vanshika2001   
Oct 21, 2018
Undergraduate / Essay for Princeton University - why you are interested in studying Engineering? [3]

I hope this helps! The corrections you see here are mostly grammatical edits. You can post the edited version and I'll be happy to look over it one more time. Also, I know it is kind of confusing, but I only put the corrections here. So, sentences that you didn't need to alter aren't written in the interest of saving space. Basically, if you don't see a sentence here, it doesn't mean I took it out of the essay, it just didn't need to be changed.

I think that My interest ... My interest ... stemmed from Growing up in South Korea,where I lived in a high rise ... where I had a good view of the fireworks that were frequently set off in the park.a good view ...

... and Mentos. This, and this became ... be my last, as Princeton ... in interesting engineering topics such as this with my ...

... assembling parts like Legos. ... wind up toy parts. The fact and the fact that I could ...

Funnily enough,I didn't truly recognize the merits of engineering through these endeavors. my first ... any of this.
... in engineering, as what ... the missions trips to Pine Ridge ...
... getting bored. and As a way ...
... knowledge and a couple youtube videos I had seen prior to make an ...
... reinvigorated the passion of the enthusiasm for [I did this because you use passion in the sentence already.] engineering in me.

As my interests ... play a role in it.
I don't think this paragraph is necessary, as it doesn't state any of your accomplishments and is essentially saying things you've already written. Removing it will also get you closer to the word count.

A large part of engineering is recognizing problems in the world, and the interdisciplinary curriculum Princeton offers me the chance to do this. I was given the ...

... such as amicroencapsulation ... and a water ... from the air in places ... water was an eye-opener, as it helped me realized the kind ...

All in all, studying engineering ...
vanshika2001   
Oct 21, 2018
Undergraduate / Growing up as Indian in America - What was the environment in which you were raised? [4]

This is my essay for UT. The prompt is:

What was the environment in which you were raised?


Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community and explain how it has shaped you as a person.
The word limit is 700 words. My word count is 618. I just want to know if it flows properly and if there is anything I can do to make it more interesting. Thanks!


I have two types of English. There's the English I speak to my friends and teachers with-polished, articulate, and spoken in a fairly monotone voice-and then there's the English I use with my parents at home. This is nothing like the first type: it is more fast-paced, filled with inflections, and sprinkled with Gujarati words. I am a first-generation born American, and being raised in an immigrant household meant that I had a slightly different childhood than others. I grew up hearing the stories of Krishna and Shiva from Hindu mythology and celebrated Diwali instead of Christmas. English was my second language. I have never been to a barbecue (granted, I am vegetarian, but it's the thought that counts). Things like sleepovers were unheard of until high school, and I never stayed a friend's house past eleven.

As I got older, I became more aware of these differences. I was envious of my white peers, who always had the coolest clothes, knew the latest songs, and were able to fit in so easily. This caused me to start distancing myself from my Gujarati roots. Perhaps the fact that I didn't really feel that Indian, either, made it so easy. I was always tripping over words in Gujarati when family from India called, and it was hard to connect with my culture when it was 8,000 miles away.

It was as if I thought that cutting out a piece of my identity would make me feel more complete. I refused to let my mother put oil in my hair after a girl in school asked why it was always so smelly. I demanded something "normal," like a sandwich, for lunch instead of the fragrant vegetable curries my mom used to give me. I started to get embarrassed when my mom pulled out her coupons at the grocery store and pushed away my dad's hugs in the morning when he dropped me off at the bus stop.

However, sometime during junior high, my perspective starts to shift. There wasn't a specific light-bulb moment which catalyzed the transition-it was more of a few little sparks that just came together. One moment I remember vividly is when my counselor stopped me in the hall when I was on my way to class and asked me if I was celebrating Diwali, which was going on at the time. When I said yes, her face immediately spread into a smile and she started asking me questions behind the significance of the festival. I remember a wave of emotions flooding through my head-at first shock and happiness, but then disappointment at myself. The shock and happiness came from the fact that someone who barely knew me was so interested in my culture. But the disappointment that crashed into me was because I realized that I didn't know the answer to her questions. It belatedly dawned on me that, in trying to fit in with those around me, I had neglected my own culture, my roots, and the ideas that defined my existence. Soon, I started to pay more attention to the beauty of my culture. And what I found there was amazing. I learned the values of strength and perseverance from stories of Hindu mythology. I became more confident in my status as an Asian-American. I embraced the food as, though it was smelly, it was delicious. I started willingly putting coconut hair masks in my hair. And, I realized that my parents were only trying to look after me when they said no to sleepovers.

Growing up in an immigrant household definitely has its challenges. But, these challenges are minuscule when compared to the way I have grown as a person.
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