dinimaulana
Jan 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Women and Men Commonly Having Different Strengths and Weakness [3]
Hi, my name is Dini Maulana, and i'm IELTS Student
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy
Women and Men are Commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Traditionally, it is evident that the gender discrimination is the primary issue in the vast of majority occupations inasmuch as men an women have different ability. Despite this, I would like argue in this essay that it is wrong to refrain a certain gender from particular jobs. Gender equality and common believe that success not depend on the gender are the two main reason of this problem.
Tome people make present traditional arguments regarding to the suitability of former post and some others of the latter, but in today's world modern era teaches them otherwise. every person has their own right to decide their life pattern. Male and female have equal chance to achieve their full potential, for the economy to utilize their skill and productivity at the workforce and for society to increase social cohesion. According to BusinessWorld, an equal opportunity for Filipino women in the workplace in society could translate into a 7% increase in the country's economic growth approximately $40 billion a year by 2025 since the government declared their new regulation about gender equality in 2017.
In addition, never does gender affect a person's success because some individuals believe that a great effort is the main reason to lead human become successful persons. Therefore,there is no prohibition for women to improve their own capability in particular professions as long as they able to tackle it properly and responsible for what they have been selected. for instance, a 2014 recent report from Sport Ministry of Indonesia revealed that the number of women athletes boxing of Indonesia climbed up significantly since Asian Games event happened in 2016. This is because they have a tendency to think that every single people has the same proportion to develop their skill.
To sum up, it is not right to exclude males and females in certain work field because there are more advantages to allow both genders to have the freedom of their job preference. if people want to reach their goals they must work hard since big effort is the crucial aspect to be a successful person, not gender.
Hi, my name is Dini Maulana, and i'm IELTS Student
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy
excluding males or females from certain work
Women and Men are Commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Traditionally, it is evident that the gender discrimination is the primary issue in the vast of majority occupations inasmuch as men an women have different ability. Despite this, I would like argue in this essay that it is wrong to refrain a certain gender from particular jobs. Gender equality and common believe that success not depend on the gender are the two main reason of this problem.
Tome people make present traditional arguments regarding to the suitability of former post and some others of the latter, but in today's world modern era teaches them otherwise. every person has their own right to decide their life pattern. Male and female have equal chance to achieve their full potential, for the economy to utilize their skill and productivity at the workforce and for society to increase social cohesion. According to BusinessWorld, an equal opportunity for Filipino women in the workplace in society could translate into a 7% increase in the country's economic growth approximately $40 billion a year by 2025 since the government declared their new regulation about gender equality in 2017.
In addition, never does gender affect a person's success because some individuals believe that a great effort is the main reason to lead human become successful persons. Therefore,there is no prohibition for women to improve their own capability in particular professions as long as they able to tackle it properly and responsible for what they have been selected. for instance, a 2014 recent report from Sport Ministry of Indonesia revealed that the number of women athletes boxing of Indonesia climbed up significantly since Asian Games event happened in 2016. This is because they have a tendency to think that every single people has the same proportion to develop their skill.
To sum up, it is not right to exclude males and females in certain work field because there are more advantages to allow both genders to have the freedom of their job preference. if people want to reach their goals they must work hard since big effort is the crucial aspect to be a successful person, not gender.
