Writing Feedback / Right vs wrong for children - IELTS Writing [3]

Dear all, I would welcome any suggestion for my IELTS essay.

Questions:
Present a written argument or case to and educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
It is Important for children to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavour to children?

teaching how to distinguish good from bad

Answer:
Time after time, the public is surprised with a devastating issue on moral education. The society is faced with the TV program on criminality and wrong deeds. People tend to blame education and its elements such as teachers and other educational systems as the main causing factors. One of the proposed concepts, which has proliferated is the implementation of punishment in an educational system to teach young learners good and bad deeds. This essay rebates the use of punishment as an education tool from psychological and socio-cultural factors.

Punishment is defined as an activity, which gives sanction after the action of wrong-doing, or it is such an act of punishing. Mostly punishment is represented by beating and scolding. It has a negative psychological impact on children. First, it may create a big gap between teacher-and students relationship. Young children with instability emotion might feel depressed and rejected with their misbehaviour. They might assume that teachers and surroundings hate existence and attitude. They might tend to blame themselves and be a concern with the future action. Not to mention, they feel reluctant and hate themselves.

Second, the punishment would be terrified in some conditions, in which the students may see it as legal action. It could be worse if the action is largely done in a community. The act of giving unpleasant action to children more and more would form a generation who see punishment as a common action, which does not break the role. This may have another side in which society will not live in harmony.

Based on the reasons above, I would disagree with any implementation of punishment as a mean to educate young learners about good and bad deeds. I would say no to this notion and prefer another way to teach good and bad such as using a polite expression.

I would be happy if you give positive feedback for developing my writing skills. Thank you