Scholarship / Leadership is about making good decisions. Chevening essay [4]

Great Job @moo3

I hope you find my feedback useful.

Your paragraphs are just too bulky. You can break them down further. For instance, in paragraph two, the sentences beginning with ...to provide ... and ...furthermore,... Ought to stand alone and form a new paragraph.

Secondly, there's need to construct your grammar and check for errors. Some of the sentences were lacking cordiality.

Best of luck brother!