lovinglife
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School [5]
Hm, does anybody else have any other helpful criticism about this essay?!
Hm, does anybody else have any other helpful criticism about this essay?!
lovinglife
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School [5]
thank you for your help! i changed the sentence to read: Initially, I did not know anybody and I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversation with them, and eventually becoming their friend.
do you think my response satisfied the prompt or was my response too vague?
thank you for your help! i changed the sentence to read: Initially, I did not know anybody and I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversation with them, and eventually becoming their friend.
do you think my response satisfied the prompt or was my response too vague?
lovinglife
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / professional goals essay for Illinois [4]
Personally, I think you should have a hook. Make the reader interested in knowing about what intrigued you about trading. Add something in your essay to make your essay different from the rest of the people who want to pursue the same thing you do. I also think you repeat "traders" or "trading" too much.
Personally, I think you should have a hook. Make the reader interested in knowing about what intrigued you about trading. Add something in your essay to make your essay different from the rest of the people who want to pursue the same thing you do. I also think you repeat "traders" or "trading" too much.
lovinglife
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School [5]
Prompt: Discuss an extracurricular activity, explain why you initially chose to do it, and its impacts on you.
"This is York. Take advantage of every opportunity given to you here. Leave no room for regret at the end of your high school experience." Those were the first words I heard when I entered York High School.
I remember listening to the principal speak as I tried to focus on the four years ahead of me. I wondered what activities I would decide to get involved in and what would shape my high school experience. At the end of my freshman year, I found myself reflecting back on her words and feeling dissatisfied by my involvement in school. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel like my presence at York would make a difference. This drive is what inspired me to apply to Student Council and become a representative for my class.
The changes that occurred after joining student council helped prove that I finally found my niche. Initially, I did not know anybody in StuCo and consequently I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversations with them, and eventually becoming their friend. This was something I definitely would not have done freshman year-it was too much out of my comfort zone. In fact, the restrictions I felt with my "comfort zone" disappeared. I became more outgoing and confident after joining council. The most important thing I learned was how to take initiative. I began to realize that with self-confidence and drive, my possibilities were endless and I began to truly discover what I could offer to others. Experience or not, I found myself volunteering for whatever opportunities StuCo presented to me. From committee chairs to the executive board, I tried different things that caught my interest and stuck with them. I discovered initiative is all you need to make a difference.
Prompt: Discuss an extracurricular activity, explain why you initially chose to do it, and its impacts on you.
"This is York. Take advantage of every opportunity given to you here. Leave no room for regret at the end of your high school experience." Those were the first words I heard when I entered York High School.
I remember listening to the principal speak as I tried to focus on the four years ahead of me. I wondered what activities I would decide to get involved in and what would shape my high school experience. At the end of my freshman year, I found myself reflecting back on her words and feeling dissatisfied by my involvement in school. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel like my presence at York would make a difference. This drive is what inspired me to apply to Student Council and become a representative for my class.
The changes that occurred after joining student council helped prove that I finally found my niche. Initially, I did not know anybody in StuCo and consequently I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversations with them, and eventually becoming their friend. This was something I definitely would not have done freshman year-it was too much out of my comfort zone. In fact, the restrictions I felt with my "comfort zone" disappeared. I became more outgoing and confident after joining council. The most important thing I learned was how to take initiative. I began to realize that with self-confidence and drive, my possibilities were endless and I began to truly discover what I could offer to others. Experience or not, I found myself volunteering for whatever opportunities StuCo presented to me. From committee chairs to the executive board, I tried different things that caught my interest and stuck with them. I discovered initiative is all you need to make a difference.
