Jason51224
Oct 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Looking for advice on one sentence of admission essay [7]
I am filling out the CommonApp transfer application and have one sentence I need to include, but the way I wrote it seems good when I read it once, then seems odd when I read it again. Could someone post some quick feedback, I actually need this finished by tonight.
Here it is:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I eventually concluded that one of the integral parts of American, even global history that has stood the test of time, been an aid in developing the world as we know it today and has no foreseeable end as long as mankind exists would be my eventual degree pursuit, Business Administration it was.
I am filling out the CommonApp transfer application and have one sentence I need to include, but the way I wrote it seems good when I read it once, then seems odd when I read it again. Could someone post some quick feedback, I actually need this finished by tonight.
Here it is:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I eventually concluded that one of the integral parts of American, even global history that has stood the test of time, been an aid in developing the world as we know it today and has no foreseeable end as long as mankind exists would be my eventual degree pursuit, Business Administration it was.
