Posts by echeveria09 [Suspended]

echeveria09

Sep 4, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Line Graph - the percentage of the population aged 65 or more in Japan, Sweden, and USA [5]

I think it would be "the elderly" instead of "elderly people" and you lack the conclusion. Hope you will do better in the next time!

echeveria09

Sep 3, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING TEST TASK 1 - The average sales of a restaurant in 2016 [2]

a restaurant's average sales

The table given shows information regarding the standard sales of Vancouver restaurant in 2016, divided into three different stores.

The most notable feature is that Georgia had the highest average number of all categories studied. It had 854 transactions in total, including 405 on-premise and 449 off-premise, with approximately $11 per transaction on average. In contrast, in Dunsmuir, customers spent just about half compared to the average transaction value of Georgia. Dunsmuir had a relatively high number of average sales in 2016, with 750 transactions divided relatively the same into eat-in transactions and takeaway transactions.

Another striking point can be noticed that despite the lowest number of transactions with only 390, Drake had a high transaction value with over 9$ whereas it was only 5.61$ in Dunsmuir. Drake was also the only branch that had the number of eat-in transactions over the number of takeaway transactions.

Although the customer seemed to interest in chicken related dishes, the most popular item in each branch was not the same. It was the chicken burger in Georgia, chicken Wings in Dunsmuir, and Chicken pasta in Draken.

Overall, Vancouver had three branches with differences in features and the most profitable one was Georgia.

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echeveria09

Sep 2, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain [5]

Your paragraph do not have the conclusion, I believe you can make better score by adding the concluding paragraph.

echeveria09

Sep 2, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Table - Food consumption per person weekly in a European country [3]

I think there are two things that can help you improve your band score:
1. In the first sentence, you wrote: "the number of vegetables, meat, ..." but I suppose it would be more exact if we us "amount" instead of "number"

2. Your paragraph do not have the conclusion, I believe you can make better score by adding the concluding paragraph.

echeveria09

Sep 2, 2020

Writing Feedback / Six different languages with the most native speakers - IELTS - TABLE [5]

Thank you a lot *crying* i love feedbacks so that I can recognize errors or anything else and improve myself. I hope next time I will do better <3

echeveria09

Aug 31, 2020

Writing Feedback / Six different languages with the most native speakers - IELTS - TABLE [5]

Different languages - the highest number of speakers

The table given has the data concerning about six different languages with the most native speakers.
There is a striking point that Mandarin Chinese has the highest number of speakers with 1090 million people in total, even higher than the combination of the number of Hindi and Spanish speakers. In contrast, Arabic and Portuguese are the two languages used least, which have the figures recorded even under one-fifth of the number of Mandarin Chinese speakers.

Another notable feature is that the number of native speakers is mostly higher than the number of speakers as an additional language in any category, except for English. 942 million English speakers include only 339 natives, the rest is non-natives.

Overall, despite the fact that English does not have the largest number of speakers it is still the most common language used by most foreigners.

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