namphong020
Feb 28, 2021
Writing Feedback / [Writing Task 2]Topic summarize: Some countries have many aged people. What are the effects of this? [3]
Hello, I'm currently a high school student from Vietnam and I need some evaluation and advises for my IELTS Writing task 2 papers.
I would very appreciate if anyone can help me out. Thanks a lot! ^^
Topic:
Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older.
My reponse:
As the figures have shown, some countries have an increasing proportion of the population that are aged over 60; and it can lead to a various number of effects and impacts, both positive and negative.
These are many advantages when a country has a large number of old people. Since they have been living for a great period of time, they are knowledgeable, which can be a great source of knowledge which can be passed to the younger generation. Furthermore, they are experienced due to their long-life experiences, hence they can make many wise decisions from political, economic to agriculture.
On the other hand, there is no concern that there are many negative impacts due to the great proportion of the population that belongs to older generation that a country has. First of all, the more aged people there are, the fewer youngsters a country will have. This will lead to lack of workers to produce in many careers, therefore there will be a shortage in products in a country, which will lead to higher product prices and increase poverty in a country. Secondly, the older generation, since they don't attend the production of a country, will be a burden for a country's economic since the government has to use their money to take care of them. This will lead to increasing tax and declination in welfare. Last but not least, population aging has been a problem that impact every sides of a country; and therefore, the country will have to rely on the small proportion of younger population. Let's take Japan as an example, this country has numerous aged people and despite their technological success, yet their economical rely on the small proportions of youngsters. This has led to stress and depression in younger generation, many even committed suicide.
In conclusion, despite the undeniable positive effects, yet the negative impacts are too great to be left unconcerned. In a nutshell, an increasing proportion of the population will leave more cons than advs; therefore, a country should try their best to reach a balanced proportion between generations. (347 words)
Hello, I'm currently a high school student from Vietnam and I need some evaluation and advises for my IELTS Writing task 2 papers.
I would very appreciate if anyone can help me out. Thanks a lot! ^^
Topic:
Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older.
What do you think the effects of this may be?
My reponse:
As the figures have shown, some countries have an increasing proportion of the population that are aged over 60; and it can lead to a various number of effects and impacts, both positive and negative.
These are many advantages when a country has a large number of old people. Since they have been living for a great period of time, they are knowledgeable, which can be a great source of knowledge which can be passed to the younger generation. Furthermore, they are experienced due to their long-life experiences, hence they can make many wise decisions from political, economic to agriculture.
On the other hand, there is no concern that there are many negative impacts due to the great proportion of the population that belongs to older generation that a country has. First of all, the more aged people there are, the fewer youngsters a country will have. This will lead to lack of workers to produce in many careers, therefore there will be a shortage in products in a country, which will lead to higher product prices and increase poverty in a country. Secondly, the older generation, since they don't attend the production of a country, will be a burden for a country's economic since the government has to use their money to take care of them. This will lead to increasing tax and declination in welfare. Last but not least, population aging has been a problem that impact every sides of a country; and therefore, the country will have to rely on the small proportion of younger population. Let's take Japan as an example, this country has numerous aged people and despite their technological success, yet their economical rely on the small proportions of youngsters. This has led to stress and depression in younger generation, many even committed suicide.
In conclusion, despite the undeniable positive effects, yet the negative impacts are too great to be left unconcerned. In a nutshell, an increasing proportion of the population will leave more cons than advs; therefore, a country should try their best to reach a balanced proportion between generations. (347 words)
