Vanessam1991
Oct 25, 2009
Undergraduate / I could still recreate the day in my mind; University of Florida [2]
Hello everyone, It would really help if you can please read my essay and tell me what I can cut out or change. Also, please call to my attetion any errors.
My essay is 800 words, and the maximum is 500. I dont know what to cut out. everything seems important. Lol please help.
I could still recreate the day in my mind. My parents had just gotten a divorce and I was dreading the first day at a new school. My 14 year old mind could not comprehend why it was necessary to move, why it was necessary for me to leave my beautiful pink room, and why it was necessary for me to leave my friends behind. The whole car ride my mom was providing me with a pep talk of which I understood less than half. I was worried about not fitting in and not being liked. As my mom dropped me off and encouraged me to make friends, my heart pounded in fear of what I may be encountering. I began my first day in a high school which for the whole first year remained an unwanted place to visit.
Soon it was the first day of sophomore year and I was still unexcited about my school. Everything remained the same and in my mind, teachers were still rude and students were still unfriendly. When I got that year's schedule, the moment I saw Sign Language I became furious. "Sign Language?" was all I could think "whatever happened to Spanish?" However, when I arrived to my 2nd period something changed. The teacher greeted me with a welcoming smile and the students quickly started talking to me. Instantly I fell in love with the class that I so desperately wanted to change. Throughout the year Mrs. Fleming along with her other Sign 1's helped me open up to school. I lost my stage fright and started socializing a lot more.
Finally, junior year had come around, and I was for once excited for a day in high school. I was ecstatic that my first period was my Sign Language 2 class. As soon as I got there we all began signing about our summer and out plans for the year. I began to explain how I was planning on running for homecoming court and planning on joining many clubs including being excited about by first honors course. The year progressed and everything was going smoothly. Until, one day when I entered my Sign Language class, my teacher announced she had something important to say. Optimistically thinking she was ready to announce a high class grade or ready to inform us of a visitor we might have. I was shocked when she told us she would be moving in two weeks to Boston with her family. I was furious and scared. I was furious that the class I looked forward to so much was going to change. The teacher would be new, and students were already talking about switching out of the course. I started to feel panicky at the through of it all. Then, Mrs. Fleming started explaining to us, how it was a hard decision for her to make. She explained she had been thinking about doing this for years and that now it was necessary for her family's future. Her talk changed my mind completely. This made me confident. I realized I had to start letting go of what I felt secure with. I needed to expand my horizons and do what was best for my future. As sad as it was for me to see my teacher go, I was also happy that her move, along with my parent's divorce and my experience in my Sign Language had helped me realized I needed to take risks.
Now it's senior year and I'm doing better than ever. I did run for homecoming princess junior year, and although I did not win, I'm not afraid to run again this year and so I have. I challenged myself to 3 AP courses, and have made many friends. This summer, I was invited to visit some universities and although I was not planning on moving from Miami, I took the opportunity. I visited many colleges and one of them being UF. UF was the furthest college from my home but it was the one I felt most connected to. The school spirit and the campus called my name. The positive attitudes of the student and the way classes worked made me feel like I belong there. I was held back by being 6 hours away from my home. I then started to think about, everything that had happened in the last 4 years and about all the changed I had done and how they had worked for the best. I thought of my teacher moving to a completely new state and how it also worked out for the best. After some consideration, I decided I will apply to University of Florida and I decided I would take the risk for something I felt so sure about. I just know this risk will also turn out for the best.
Hello everyone, It would really help if you can please read my essay and tell me what I can cut out or change. Also, please call to my attetion any errors.
My essay is 800 words, and the maximum is 500. I dont know what to cut out. everything seems important. Lol please help.
I could still recreate the day in my mind. My parents had just gotten a divorce and I was dreading the first day at a new school. My 14 year old mind could not comprehend why it was necessary to move, why it was necessary for me to leave my beautiful pink room, and why it was necessary for me to leave my friends behind. The whole car ride my mom was providing me with a pep talk of which I understood less than half. I was worried about not fitting in and not being liked. As my mom dropped me off and encouraged me to make friends, my heart pounded in fear of what I may be encountering. I began my first day in a high school which for the whole first year remained an unwanted place to visit.
Soon it was the first day of sophomore year and I was still unexcited about my school. Everything remained the same and in my mind, teachers were still rude and students were still unfriendly. When I got that year's schedule, the moment I saw Sign Language I became furious. "Sign Language?" was all I could think "whatever happened to Spanish?" However, when I arrived to my 2nd period something changed. The teacher greeted me with a welcoming smile and the students quickly started talking to me. Instantly I fell in love with the class that I so desperately wanted to change. Throughout the year Mrs. Fleming along with her other Sign 1's helped me open up to school. I lost my stage fright and started socializing a lot more.
Finally, junior year had come around, and I was for once excited for a day in high school. I was ecstatic that my first period was my Sign Language 2 class. As soon as I got there we all began signing about our summer and out plans for the year. I began to explain how I was planning on running for homecoming court and planning on joining many clubs including being excited about by first honors course. The year progressed and everything was going smoothly. Until, one day when I entered my Sign Language class, my teacher announced she had something important to say. Optimistically thinking she was ready to announce a high class grade or ready to inform us of a visitor we might have. I was shocked when she told us she would be moving in two weeks to Boston with her family. I was furious and scared. I was furious that the class I looked forward to so much was going to change. The teacher would be new, and students were already talking about switching out of the course. I started to feel panicky at the through of it all. Then, Mrs. Fleming started explaining to us, how it was a hard decision for her to make. She explained she had been thinking about doing this for years and that now it was necessary for her family's future. Her talk changed my mind completely. This made me confident. I realized I had to start letting go of what I felt secure with. I needed to expand my horizons and do what was best for my future. As sad as it was for me to see my teacher go, I was also happy that her move, along with my parent's divorce and my experience in my Sign Language had helped me realized I needed to take risks.
Now it's senior year and I'm doing better than ever. I did run for homecoming princess junior year, and although I did not win, I'm not afraid to run again this year and so I have. I challenged myself to 3 AP courses, and have made many friends. This summer, I was invited to visit some universities and although I was not planning on moving from Miami, I took the opportunity. I visited many colleges and one of them being UF. UF was the furthest college from my home but it was the one I felt most connected to. The school spirit and the campus called my name. The positive attitudes of the student and the way classes worked made me feel like I belong there. I was held back by being 6 hours away from my home. I then started to think about, everything that had happened in the last 4 years and about all the changed I had done and how they had worked for the best. I thought of my teacher moving to a completely new state and how it also worked out for the best. After some consideration, I decided I will apply to University of Florida and I decided I would take the risk for something I felt so sure about. I just know this risk will also turn out for the best.
