Khangdang
Aug 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1: student accommodation 1960s-2000s [3]
Hi, I am practicing on my writing for IELTs. Is it possible for you to spare some time reading and commenting on my writing. Thank you for any help in advance. And by the way, are there any other terms that I can use to naturally paraphrase 'student' (except for 'pupil')?
The graph gives information on how students' accommodation choices differed throughout the fifty-year period.
Overall, it is apparent that most students preferred to be in a shared house or flat with their counterparts over the given time frame. Moreover, apart from sharing room with others, the remaining ways generally became less prevalent overtime.
In the 1960s, approximately one-third of pupils chose to live with their friends in a shared place. This figure then almost doubled to 60% in the 1980s, at which point it continued to rise by a mere 5% every ten years, subsequently reaching a peak of 70% at the end of the period. In the meantime, the percentage of those who lived in dormitories was initially 15%. The number witnessed mild fluctuations between 15 and 20% in the next three decades, and eventually drop to more or less 12% in the 2000s.
With regard to those who paid to stay with a host family and those living at home with their family, they registered numbers of 35% and 15% respectively in the 1960s, which were the same as the previous groups. After that, both figures went down at a relatively similar pace until the 1990s, with the former being twice as high as the latter (10% and 5% respectively). The final years, however, marked the change in preference between the two options when there was a sudden jump to roughly 12% in the proportion of students living with family, in comparison with the decrease to 5% in the other group's number.
student accommodation graph
Hi, I am practicing on my writing for IELTs. Is it possible for you to spare some time reading and commenting on my writing. Thank you for any help in advance. And by the way, are there any other terms that I can use to naturally paraphrase 'student' (except for 'pupil')?
The graph gives information on how students' accommodation choices differed throughout the fifty-year period.
Overall, it is apparent that most students preferred to be in a shared house or flat with their counterparts over the given time frame. Moreover, apart from sharing room with others, the remaining ways generally became less prevalent overtime.
In the 1960s, approximately one-third of pupils chose to live with their friends in a shared place. This figure then almost doubled to 60% in the 1980s, at which point it continued to rise by a mere 5% every ten years, subsequently reaching a peak of 70% at the end of the period. In the meantime, the percentage of those who lived in dormitories was initially 15%. The number witnessed mild fluctuations between 15 and 20% in the next three decades, and eventually drop to more or less 12% in the 2000s.
With regard to those who paid to stay with a host family and those living at home with their family, they registered numbers of 35% and 15% respectively in the 1960s, which were the same as the previous groups. After that, both figures went down at a relatively similar pace until the 1990s, with the former being twice as high as the latter (10% and 5% respectively). The final years, however, marked the change in preference between the two options when there was a sudden jump to roughly 12% in the proportion of students living with family, in comparison with the decrease to 5% in the other group's number.
