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Posts by lucky7x123
Joined: Nov 18, 2009
Last Post: Nov 23, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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lucky7x123   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major? [9]

This is coming out nicely. I went with the "Zen moment" and did some touch ups with the ending. Now I got to check on the grammar and verb tense consistency. Thanks for the help guys.

Prompt two coming soon. . .Dun dun dunnnnnnn
lucky7x123   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major? [9]

Ok, i just finished my personal statement for the first prompt.

Here it is. Read it and weep- just kidding. Again be brutal but helpful. I began with a separate thesis and tried to make it lively a bit. I'm trying to be direct but not boring. I tried to go into more dept, so , I'm just wondering what you guys think. Thanks.

READ ABOVE

I'm a bit iffy about the ending and don't want to sound tacky but wanted at the same time to be thoughtful.
lucky7x123   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major? [9]

EF_Kevin
Im kinda iffy about that sentence. But i like your tips about going into dept with the anecdote . I started talking about how I feel when I see a really amazing piece.

Thanks for the ideas though.
lucky7x123   
Nov 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major? [9]

Prompt 2# What is your intended major, how did you get interested in the subject, any experience and what have you gained?

I wanted to be clear and direct but I might put some more description of the scene I talk about in the beginning. I'm not done yet but I feel like something wrong.

Please be brutal but not insulting.

You can youtube the scene I talk about in the beginning and see for yourself.

I experienced a Zen when I realized that I can write my daydreams for a living and incorporate those ideas through film by writing scripts and screenplay. The films I've seen , the things I've read, and the people I meet over the years shaped my decision to become an English major.

Watching Robert De Niro's character get his face pulverized as he's boxing against Ray Jay Jackson, in Martin Scorsese, Raging Bull , I was amazed by the synthesis of writing and filming. The original screenplay of Paul Schrader and Mardik Martin being brought to life by Scorsese film technique -lighting,closeup, and slow motion. A thrill came to me, as I began to inscribe every moment into words in my head. Right before the folly of jabs from Jacksons fists, I knew that this is what I wanted to do for a living, to paint these scenes out of words. Now with this compassionate drive, I began writing.

My ideas flowing from pen to paper, but before any aspect of film technique I needed to understand the structure of prose and style by becoming an English major. I began by writing in a small journal, minor fragments of plots, poems , and ideas that came to my head. Then I started to join writing competitions and wrote a flash fiction for De Anza's annual 2008 Red Wheel Barrel. Beginning my short story was the most difficult, ideas scrambled in my mind and was overwhelmed by expectations since this was my first attempt to write out of my comfort zone. Reading some of the other short stories from Kafka, Hemingway, and other authors, I felt my piece was missing an invoking substance. Hearing about my dilemma, I was given advice from teachers at the De Anza English department and the best advice I received was "to write what makes you passionate". Hearing those words, my anxieties melted away and it all just came to me. I began to enjoy the process in creating the piece more than anticipating the competitions results. I gained the advice and guidance of other experience writers during the process of creating my flash fiction, something more satisfying than a physical parchment of my success.

I now felt an awakening of creative potential that, until recently, hid dormant. The insatiable need to generate my ideas grew with my direction towards anything relating to Literature and film, as I notice the world opening up new possibilities. Now seeing in a new perspective, I can look at something and connect a web of possibilities.Whenever I saw a cleaver commercial, heard a powerful spoken word , or viewed a provocative short films, I shook with excitement and started to draw countless questions and revisions in my mind. I asked myself, "What music score should accompany this scene? How could I make this character more well rounded?What subjects are in the foreground, mid-ground, and background ?"

When something ends, too others that was it. For me it was just the beginning.

I stop there but I was thinking about writing what I gained from my Asian-American Literature class. Something about how Asian American Literature is practically new compared to other English movements.

Overall, I want to know what I can do to make my essay more strong and what are the weaknesses and how can I correct them.
lucky7x123   
Nov 18, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Essay #2 An important experience. Roller Coaster [12]

The intro was good. Just cut the fillers. I enjoyed the story but you could talk more about what you gained from the roller coaster experience.

You write very well but you lost my attention when you came back to the roller coasters,unless it derailed into a frenzy of chaos we know what happens. Good luck.
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