Queen02
Jul 31, 2024
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 [Doctors and engineers, should be required to work ....] [2]
This is my ielts task 2 essay, i really need your comments to make it better. My target is band 7, Can you give comments based on ielts criteria and tell me what band this essay is in?
[Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be [b]required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work. in another country if they wish,
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.]
There are widely different views on whether the government should require doctors or engineers to serve at the place where they were trained. While some people believe they should be free to choose their occupation and workplace regardless of any country. Personally, I advocate the balanced approach, recognizing the merits of both forcing as well as freely in the workplace.
On the one hand, forcing some skillful workers to stay where they studied is an ideal way to enhance the development of the country. It is clear that doctors and engineers are essential jobs for society and they play a crucially important role in our life. Besides, a powerhouse is a nation that is strong in the Medical field as well as the army or economy. Losing such a large number of talented workers leads to a downturn economy. For example, nowadays, Brain drain is on the rise in Vietnam because some advanced environments appeal to them in some way, which leads to a shortage of gift members. Therefore, the medical condition in Vietnam is not as good as in America or Australia.
On the other hand, there should be freedom to opt for workplaces with all walks of life for their creative motivation and suitable living conditions. In fact, working in the right place will facilitate to development of people's production so that it brings humans the best services. Take doctors as an example, For good doctors, working in a modern environment will help them have good conditions to do scientific research, discovering drugs as well as vaccines to save people, which they obviously can not do in a humid laboratory. Furthermore, compensation packages in a company, such as insurance, salary, or well-being, have a profound impact on an employee's life. If it is not suitable with their criteria, they cannot contribute delicately, then moving to other countries is obvious...so the government should have well-paying policies to keep some skilled workers to a better life in order to ensure they do not seek other places for making a living, avoiding the brain drain.
In conclusion, while forcing or choosing a workplace is still a disputable issue, I strongly feel that a balanced approach by incorporating some harmonious policies will help retain some skilled engineers to serve in their country.
This is my ielts task 2 essay, i really need your comments to make it better. My target is band 7, Can you give comments based on ielts criteria and tell me what band this essay is in?
[Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be [b]required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work. in another country if they wish,
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.]
There are widely different views on whether the government should require doctors or engineers to serve at the place where they were trained. While some people believe they should be free to choose their occupation and workplace regardless of any country. Personally, I advocate the balanced approach, recognizing the merits of both forcing as well as freely in the workplace.
On the one hand, forcing some skillful workers to stay where they studied is an ideal way to enhance the development of the country. It is clear that doctors and engineers are essential jobs for society and they play a crucially important role in our life. Besides, a powerhouse is a nation that is strong in the Medical field as well as the army or economy. Losing such a large number of talented workers leads to a downturn economy. For example, nowadays, Brain drain is on the rise in Vietnam because some advanced environments appeal to them in some way, which leads to a shortage of gift members. Therefore, the medical condition in Vietnam is not as good as in America or Australia.
On the other hand, there should be freedom to opt for workplaces with all walks of life for their creative motivation and suitable living conditions. In fact, working in the right place will facilitate to development of people's production so that it brings humans the best services. Take doctors as an example, For good doctors, working in a modern environment will help them have good conditions to do scientific research, discovering drugs as well as vaccines to save people, which they obviously can not do in a humid laboratory. Furthermore, compensation packages in a company, such as insurance, salary, or well-being, have a profound impact on an employee's life. If it is not suitable with their criteria, they cannot contribute delicately, then moving to other countries is obvious...so the government should have well-paying policies to keep some skilled workers to a better life in order to ensure they do not seek other places for making a living, avoiding the brain drain.
In conclusion, while forcing or choosing a workplace is still a disputable issue, I strongly feel that a balanced approach by incorporating some harmonious policies will help retain some skilled engineers to serve in their country.
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