dshah7
Sep 2, 2024
Writing Feedback / My College Essay - Based It on Friends Being My Identity + Never Have I Ever [2]
Prompt I chose:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Essay:
Never have I ever been asked to talk about myself in such an extended manner. 650 words to describe an "average" or "below-average" (in my eyes) Indian student feels reminiscent of the time when I was thrown into a 9-foot swimming pool. In that moment, I was grappling with something so vulnerable and insignificant that it was literally consuming me. As I try to connect my personal story to someone, I again feel flushed with that similar feeling. But then I think about Devi Vishwakumar and my struggle is unparalleled to hers, so why should I hesitate to tell my story?
Devi's story seems worlds apart from my own. She was an academic prodigy who was guided by her father's dream of getting into Princeton, and had outdone herself. For example, she is such a natural that she showed up to her first Model U.N. conference and won the Best Delegate award. But this is not to say that she did not have her challenges. The death of her father came with a tide of emotional distress and had to reconcile with what she was left with. Although I have not experienced anything close to her in magnitude, I was drawn to her struggle. It was as if someone could actually relate to my own, untold personal struggles in high school. Her body, in a paralyzed state, has been my mind ever since the start of sophomore year.
A particular challenge that I faced was having close friends and navigating the social scene that came with high school. I was never like Devi, who tried to rebrand herself by asking the hottest guy in her school to take her virginity. Rather, I decided to confide in a small group of friends who are the result of me rebranding myself. It was not easy, but if I wanted to be anything like Devi and craft my own path to break from the shackles of paralysis, I had to go forward with this step. Looking back at this, it is simply one of the best decisions of my life.
I still remember the summer of 2022. All it took was one conversation to go from casual acquaintances to lifelong best friends. During what felt like the most meaningful conversation of my life, talking about how we felt after our first year of high school, it made me realize I was not alone. These four people in front of me all were going through the same experiences I went through. Never have I ever felt this connected to others. Just like Devi had Fabiola, I had my support system; someone who understood the rigors of taking hard classes and the anxiety of performing well. Just like Devi had Eleanor, I had someone who gave me another view into my life, explaining that there is more to life than academics and pressure. Just like Devi had Anissa, who although I troubled a lot (intentionally and unintentionally), has become someone life would not be the same without. Just like Devi had Dr. Ryan, I have someone who knows a lot of my secrets and would not tell anyone, and has offered me a lot of guidance as well. This list could continue on forever with all of the people that have influenced me and my growth, but these four people showed me something I was unbeknownst to. They helped me shed from my paralysis and without these people I would not be who I am.
And for that, Devi and my friends, I am forever thankful to you guys.
Prompt I chose:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Essay:
Never have I ever been asked to talk about myself in such an extended manner. 650 words to describe an "average" or "below-average" (in my eyes) Indian student feels reminiscent of the time when I was thrown into a 9-foot swimming pool. In that moment, I was grappling with something so vulnerable and insignificant that it was literally consuming me. As I try to connect my personal story to someone, I again feel flushed with that similar feeling. But then I think about Devi Vishwakumar and my struggle is unparalleled to hers, so why should I hesitate to tell my story?
Devi's story seems worlds apart from my own. She was an academic prodigy who was guided by her father's dream of getting into Princeton, and had outdone herself. For example, she is such a natural that she showed up to her first Model U.N. conference and won the Best Delegate award. But this is not to say that she did not have her challenges. The death of her father came with a tide of emotional distress and had to reconcile with what she was left with. Although I have not experienced anything close to her in magnitude, I was drawn to her struggle. It was as if someone could actually relate to my own, untold personal struggles in high school. Her body, in a paralyzed state, has been my mind ever since the start of sophomore year.
A particular challenge that I faced was having close friends and navigating the social scene that came with high school. I was never like Devi, who tried to rebrand herself by asking the hottest guy in her school to take her virginity. Rather, I decided to confide in a small group of friends who are the result of me rebranding myself. It was not easy, but if I wanted to be anything like Devi and craft my own path to break from the shackles of paralysis, I had to go forward with this step. Looking back at this, it is simply one of the best decisions of my life.
I still remember the summer of 2022. All it took was one conversation to go from casual acquaintances to lifelong best friends. During what felt like the most meaningful conversation of my life, talking about how we felt after our first year of high school, it made me realize I was not alone. These four people in front of me all were going through the same experiences I went through. Never have I ever felt this connected to others. Just like Devi had Fabiola, I had my support system; someone who understood the rigors of taking hard classes and the anxiety of performing well. Just like Devi had Eleanor, I had someone who gave me another view into my life, explaining that there is more to life than academics and pressure. Just like Devi had Anissa, who although I troubled a lot (intentionally and unintentionally), has become someone life would not be the same without. Just like Devi had Dr. Ryan, I have someone who knows a lot of my secrets and would not tell anyone, and has offered me a lot of guidance as well. This list could continue on forever with all of the people that have influenced me and my growth, but these four people showed me something I was unbeknownst to. They helped me shed from my paralysis and without these people I would not be who I am.
And for that, Devi and my friends, I am forever thankful to you guys.