xundra
Nov 20, 2009
Book Reports / Frankenstein vs. All Quiet on the Western Front [2]
In the second paragraph, the word "literally" seems redundant as it doesn't add to your point, really, since you explain anyway. In the same paragraph, "Victor manages to create life, a monster more specifically." is a comma splice. You could instead correct it with a dash. That would get the point across and put the emphasis you want on that point.
In the next paragraph, "usually" should be taken out. Instead, you could write that they are meant to accept responsibility. That will imply that that is not always true.
In the next paragraph, instead of "the old man in the cottage", perhaps write "an old man in a cottage". It flows better with the rest of what you're writing and it's usually best to write something as if the person reading it will have no previous knowledge of the subject.
In the next paragraph, "the numerous loses of William, Justine, Henry..."... it should be spelled "losses". Also, saying "the numerous losses" and then listing the losses is redundant. It should either be "his numerous losses" or "the losses of william, etc..." [omg, writing about "loss" so much makes it look like such a weird word to me now... x_X]
"They do not see the German war heroes, such as Paul Baumer." What do you mean? They do not physically see them, they do not hold conference with them, or they don't see them as heroes? "...surviving, and doing what is demanded." There shouldn't be a comma there.
Haha. There ya go. I hope you don't feel like what you wrote is crap just because I corrected a lot. D: That's how most people feel after I read what they write, anyway. >.<
In the second paragraph, the word "literally" seems redundant as it doesn't add to your point, really, since you explain anyway. In the same paragraph, "Victor manages to create life, a monster more specifically." is a comma splice. You could instead correct it with a dash. That would get the point across and put the emphasis you want on that point.
In the next paragraph, "usually" should be taken out. Instead, you could write that they are meant to accept responsibility. That will imply that that is not always true.
In the next paragraph, instead of "the old man in the cottage", perhaps write "an old man in a cottage". It flows better with the rest of what you're writing and it's usually best to write something as if the person reading it will have no previous knowledge of the subject.
In the next paragraph, "the numerous loses of William, Justine, Henry..."... it should be spelled "losses". Also, saying "the numerous losses" and then listing the losses is redundant. It should either be "his numerous losses" or "the losses of william, etc..." [omg, writing about "loss" so much makes it look like such a weird word to me now... x_X]
"They do not see the German war heroes, such as Paul Baumer." What do you mean? They do not physically see them, they do not hold conference with them, or they don't see them as heroes? "...surviving, and doing what is demanded." There shouldn't be a comma there.
Haha. There ya go. I hope you don't feel like what you wrote is crap just because I corrected a lot. D: That's how most people feel after I read what they write, anyway. >.<
