Poetry / Introspection poem criticism [3]

I don't know where to start,
I said it all in my mind with a tune
I'm tryna spit it out, but I'm stuck in these fumes
"My character's rigged" I'll write on my tomb

I had so much to say, but can't write it down
I'm writing this behind a copy, breaking bounds
In the middle of the night I woke up to look around
I guess I tried to see if I finally woke up
But at the foot of same old trick, myself I found

It's been a while since I've written down what I felt
It's been a while since I've dared to break poetry's rules
But in its shadow I knelt and of it I dreamt
Now the meadows dry as hell,
and (there's)' a sign on my head that says "fool"

Now I miss the days I hated on myself
Cause atleast I got the work done,
Now I'm so arrogant I can't tell what I meant
Results and energy going down, and thoughts? Distant

When this play ends I'll come to your court
I don't know if the doors will open, or stay closed
I'll put my head down, fall to the ground, my last hope
I'll apologise from the bottom of my heart and
I'll ask you to bless everyone on the path
And I'll have travelled all this far,
Just to ask you "did I loose" or
Was this your plan from the start?

Now I'm signing off, thirtieth of July 'twenty four,
My parents made it this far just for me to be called a fool
Mums on the phone talking about "depression" and goals
Now about, how tables turned and they're on opposite poles