chauchau1901
1 day ago
Undergraduate / Volunteer experience in the highlands - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR COLLEGE [2]
Hi guys! This is the first draft of my Common App essay about my volunteer experience in the highlands of Vietnam and I am looking for advice on how to improve it! I find the flow a bit robot-y since English is not my first-language. I also think the opening is kind of vague and might not attract the admissions officers.
"Through forests, across seas
Under the glorious banner of the Youth Union
We march into the new era, undaunted by hardships, leaving footprints of volunteerism, conquering new heights, building beautiful dreams."
Our voices echoed through the mountains, turning the serene wilderness into a lively and vibrant space, dispelling the initial feelings of unfamiliarity and nervousness among the students who were visiting the highlands for the first time. Donning the iconic green volunteer shirts and wide-brimmed hats, we were ready to reach the remote highlands. The bus began its journey, carrying us towards the mountains, where our mission awaited.
Crossing streams, trekking through forests, and navigating rugged, rocky roads, we finally reached the village of the K'Ho people in Dai Lao District, Bao Loc Province. Our base was a local school serving children in the area. Greeted us was a worn-down school with a few small and shabby classrooms with barely any fans or tables. As reality struck, I realized that the 20 of us could not possibly turn it into a new school. But we could certainly make it better. Brimming with confidence, we hoped to transform the school, no matter how small the changes.
Assigned to teach Class 1A2, I stayed awake all night, imagining the first day with my students. Would it be joyful or challenging? Would the classroom be full? How would it feel to stand on the podium as a "teacher" for the very first time?
Contrary to my anxious thoughts, my first meeting with the class was incredibly cheerful and heartwarming without any awkwardness or hesitation. Perhaps it was the green volunteer shirt I wore, or maybe it was the bright, warm smiles of the highland children that made me feel more confident. I still remember a little voice saying, "You're so different, wearing green shirts and silly hats; you don't look like my usual teachers."
The highland classroom wasn't crowded, but it was unique in its own way. Some children peeked shyly from outside, sounding out the letters on the board that read "Volunteer Students." One child innocently said, "I want to learn to read and write so my parents won't struggle anymore, so I can read stories to my grandmother, and so I can learn about Vietnam's history. I want to be free like a bird and travel across the country!"
While the days in class were joyful, the evenings brought a deep longing. I missed little Ai, whose smile never left her lips, and Nga, who always stayed behind to help me tidy the classroom. Memories of that distant highland village and its people will forever remain etched in my heart. Though I may never become a teacher in the future, I still dream of the day that I could stand on the podium again, teaching my students how to solve math problems, how to form a full sentence, and how to sing our country's anthem. The journey to Dai Lao taught me priceless life lessons-compassion, sharing, and, most importantly, how to give away without expecting to receive. In the end, being a "true human" isn't about towering achievements or societal accolades. It's about living a life of courage, empathy, and authenticity - qualities I strive to exemplify every single day.
Hi guys! This is the first draft of my Common App essay about my volunteer experience in the highlands of Vietnam and I am looking for advice on how to improve it! I find the flow a bit robot-y since English is not my first-language. I also think the opening is kind of vague and might not attract the admissions officers.
"Through forests, across seas
Under the glorious banner of the Youth Union
We march into the new era, undaunted by hardships, leaving footprints of volunteerism, conquering new heights, building beautiful dreams."
Our voices echoed through the mountains, turning the serene wilderness into a lively and vibrant space, dispelling the initial feelings of unfamiliarity and nervousness among the students who were visiting the highlands for the first time. Donning the iconic green volunteer shirts and wide-brimmed hats, we were ready to reach the remote highlands. The bus began its journey, carrying us towards the mountains, where our mission awaited.
Crossing streams, trekking through forests, and navigating rugged, rocky roads, we finally reached the village of the K'Ho people in Dai Lao District, Bao Loc Province. Our base was a local school serving children in the area. Greeted us was a worn-down school with a few small and shabby classrooms with barely any fans or tables. As reality struck, I realized that the 20 of us could not possibly turn it into a new school. But we could certainly make it better. Brimming with confidence, we hoped to transform the school, no matter how small the changes.
Assigned to teach Class 1A2, I stayed awake all night, imagining the first day with my students. Would it be joyful or challenging? Would the classroom be full? How would it feel to stand on the podium as a "teacher" for the very first time?
Contrary to my anxious thoughts, my first meeting with the class was incredibly cheerful and heartwarming without any awkwardness or hesitation. Perhaps it was the green volunteer shirt I wore, or maybe it was the bright, warm smiles of the highland children that made me feel more confident. I still remember a little voice saying, "You're so different, wearing green shirts and silly hats; you don't look like my usual teachers."
The highland classroom wasn't crowded, but it was unique in its own way. Some children peeked shyly from outside, sounding out the letters on the board that read "Volunteer Students." One child innocently said, "I want to learn to read and write so my parents won't struggle anymore, so I can read stories to my grandmother, and so I can learn about Vietnam's history. I want to be free like a bird and travel across the country!"
While the days in class were joyful, the evenings brought a deep longing. I missed little Ai, whose smile never left her lips, and Nga, who always stayed behind to help me tidy the classroom. Memories of that distant highland village and its people will forever remain etched in my heart. Though I may never become a teacher in the future, I still dream of the day that I could stand on the podium again, teaching my students how to solve math problems, how to form a full sentence, and how to sing our country's anthem. The journey to Dai Lao taught me priceless life lessons-compassion, sharing, and, most importantly, how to give away without expecting to receive. In the end, being a "true human" isn't about towering achievements or societal accolades. It's about living a life of courage, empathy, and authenticity - qualities I strive to exemplify every single day.
