Writing Feedback / TOPIC: Technology in education [2]

TOPIC: Some people believe that technology improves education, while others argue it causes distractions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The role of technology in education has long been contested. Advocates emphasize its ability to enrich learning and broaden access to information, while critics warn of its potential to distract students and hinder personal development. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint.

Technology undeniably enhances education by offering vast academic resources and enabling independent learning. Digital platforms, virtual classrooms, and online databases allow students to explore subjects beyond the standard curriculum. Additionally, technology promotes global collaboration-online discussions and shared projects foster cross-cultural understanding and prepare learners for an interconnected world.

However, these advantages are tempered by notable drawbacks. The lure of social media and digital entertainment often disrupts concentration, reducing academic efficiency. Moreover, excessive reliance on screen-based communication can weaken interpersonal skills, limiting authentic social interaction crucial for emotional and intellectual growth.

In my view, technology should be embraced but regulated within educational settings. Schools must implement thoughtful policies that curb unnecessary device use while integrating digital tools purposefully. When used for research, group work, and interactive lessons, technology can support learning and cultivate both digital literacy and self-discipline.

In conclusion, technology serves as both a catalyst and a challenge in education. Its impact depends on how it is managed. Through balanced and intentional integration, schools can ensure that technology empowers students rather than impedes their development.

In the last few days, i have been refining my writing skills according to your advice, with this essay being my most decent attempt so far. I have also altered my intro in a way that now presents my opinion instead of "coming to a reasoned conclusion". I would love to hear your honest thoughts on this. Thank you.

Writing Feedback / Topic: Television's relevence [2]

TOPIC:Some people believe that watching television is a waste of time. Others think it has educational value. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In an age defined by rapid technological change, the relevance of television is being re-evaluated. While many people view it as unnecessary and trivial, others firmly defend its role in education and society. This essay aims to explore both sides of the argument before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, opponents argue that television undermines one's mental state by trapping them in a loop of ephemeral contentment. Being short-lived, this fabricated feeling of ecstasy often compels viewers to seek more content, ultimately ensnaring individuals in an inescapable trap which they remain largely unaware of . If this indulgence transpires into a routine activity, it will form within the minds of individuals a mental roadblock, hindering the completion of other unfinished tasks. Besides the mental concerns, it also adversely affects the human body. Immersed in the television screen, viewers often adopt poor posture or sit too close to the screen, gradually and directly compromising their physical well-being.

On the other hand, proponents contend that the benefits of television far outweigh the health concerns, which can be mitigated with proper education and moderation. Many programmes themselves provide guidance on safe viewing habits, while educational and governmental channels deliver factual and practical knowledge. Documentaries and public service broadcasts, for instance, raise awareness about pressing issues such as climate change, public health and cultural preservation. MOreover, television can serve as a unifying medium through shared knowledge and experience across cultures, fostering social cohesion.

In conclusion, while critics rightfully underline the psychological and physical drawbacks of excessive television consumption, these risks can be minimised through thorough education and responsible viewing habits; moreover, the educational and social value of television remains significant in contemporary society. Therefore, rather than dismissing it as irrelevant and obsolete, I firmly believe it is more reasonable to recognise its relevance while ensuring moderation and sage engagement.

After your criticism of my previous essay, i've spent about an hour (by myself, of course) on writing and refining this essay. Although this essay would have obviously received a failing score on the real test due to the time it took me to finish, i'd say i am proud of what i've come up with. I would love to hear your honest thoughts on this essay. Thank you

Writing Feedback / Topic: Freedom of speech on social media [2]

TOPIC: MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT ALL NETIZENS SHOULD BE GIVEN COMPLETE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS THEIR PERSONAL OPINIONS AND CONCERNS ABOUT EVERY CURRENT PROBLEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA, WHILE OTHERS SAT THAT THIS MAY WORSEN THE SITUATION IN REALITY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

Modern society presents numerous unseen social dilemmas, one of which concerns freedom of speech on the Internet. While many insist upon its essentiality to the digital sphere, others contend that such unrestrained liberty of expression ultimately causes more harm than good. This essay will explore both perspectives before arriving at a reasoned judgement.

On the one hand, as social media functions as a digital extension of the contemporary public sphere, the capacity to voice one's opinions freely is intrinsic to its very purpose. Freedom of speech facilitates open dialogue, stimulates creativity, and enables the circulation of diverse perspectives across cultures. Proponents argue that limiting this freedom risks undermining democratic values, as online platforms often serve as a vital outlet for marginalized groups who would otherwise remain voiceless. Moreover, unrestricted expression fosters global awareness, critical debate, and provides an essential check on the actions of those in authority.

On the other hand, opponents maintain that absolute freedom of speech in online spaces produces serious repercussions. They propose that social media is not only a forum for constructive discussion but also a conduit for hate speech, misinformation, and harassment. Harmful content can proliferate with alarming speed, damaging reputations, inciting violence, and destabilising communities. Furthermore, the anonymity offered by digital platforms often facilitates reckless and irresponsible behaviour, allowing individuals to disseminate inflammatory or deceptive information without consequence. In this light, some degree of regulation appears necessary to safeguard users and preserve social cohesion.

In conclusion, the tension between liberty and responsibility lies at the heart of the debate over online freedom of expression. While unfiltered speech undoubtedly nurtures democracy and innovation, it also exposes society to profound risks that cannot be overlooked. In my considered view, the most sustainable approach is neither absolute freedom nor heavy-handed censorship, but a carefully calibrated system of regulation - one that protects individual expression while simultaneously preventing its deleterious misuse.

This essay was a collaborative effort of my teacher (or mentor) and me, written over the course of 45 minutes. Even though we weren't able to include examples, I still think we did a decent job at tackling this essay. Please give me your most honest evaluation of our work, and any criticisms or ideas for improvement are much appreciated. Thank you. I also properly formatted the essay thanks to your previous advice.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Bar chart about global mobile phone sales of five brands in various years. [2]

The bar chart compares the revenues of five mobile phone brands throughout 2009, 2011 and 2013.
Overall, ZTE, especially Samsung and Apple, demonstrated a remarkable increase in their sales figures, with Samsung overtaking Nokia as the most successful phone brand in 2013. LG and Nokia, however, registered a steep decline in their revenues.
Among the brands that experienced an uprising in sales figures, Samsung displayed the most significant growth, almost doubling their figures from $250 million to $450 million, eventually becoming the top-selling brand in 2013. Apple also saw a drastic increase, albeit less drastic than Samsung, from about $25 million in 2009 to $150 million in 2013. ZTE also exhibited a slight growth in its figures, from $50 million in 2009 to about $52 million in 2013.
Conversely, Nokia and LG experienced substantial declines in their sales volumes. Nokia, despite being the most purchased mobile phone brand in 2009 with a global revenue of $450 million in 2009 , plummeted to just $250 million in 2013, only matching Samsung sales figures in 2009. LG figures likewise recorded a decrease, albeit to a much lesser degree, falling from $125 million in 2009 to just $75 million in 2013.

41 days until test. I am aiming for a band 7+ score on both writing tests. Appreciate it!

• 
  The bar chart below is about global phone sales of five brands in various years.