Undergraduate / "Oh... sometimes things happen." Something that didn't go as planned - MIT essay [8]

This is really great, I really like the detail you gave on Susan and Brian, it made me feel like I was in that hospital with you. Maybe you could elaborate/show more about exactly what Brian did to impact you (teaching you how to live in the moment), other than him dying? Because what I got from this essay was that you only really liked Brian because he was really cute. I also read your alternate ending, and I think this ending is better-you just need more things to back it up and explain it better.

could you review my essay, please?