jayp
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal Essay for Amherst, Brown, Hamilton, Middlebury, Princeton, Tufts [4]
Really great piece!
A couple suggestions
"so I came up..."
Maybe "On the final day of class"
In that paragraph you should check your tenses.
The man with the blue blazer is my creation, my vehicle to speak through, and through him
This sentence is a bit awkward:
Really great piece!
A couple suggestions
so came up with the idea of developing a character with an intriguing backstory to highlight my film.
"so I came up..."
On the day of the final class
Maybe "On the final day of class"
In that paragraph you should check your tenses.
The man with the blue blazer is my creation, he is my vehicle to speak through, and through
The man with the blue blazer is my creation, my vehicle to speak through, and through him
This sentence is a bit awkward:
I received inspiring about how the class had connected to the character in the movie.
