twillis32
Jan 22, 2010
Writing Feedback / Descriptive essay of a person you know (family first, himself last) [2]
In this assignment, you will write a single descriptive paragraph about someone you know. The final paragraph should be 250-300 words long and should thoroughly describe a single trait, characteristic, or quality of that person. Remember to build on the basic anatomy of a paragraph: point, evidence/illustration, explanation. To complete this assignment, please follow the writing process:
Use freewriting techniques and simple sentences patterns to create a first draft. Use adjectives and adjective phrases to be as descriptive as possible. Post this draft to the Discussion Area below by Wednesday, January 20, 2010.
By Friday, January 22, 2010, review and critique the work of at least two other students. Post your critiques to the Discussion Area below. You should use this opportunity to hone your editing and critiquing skills and to offer your peers constructive points to improve their writing. You should use the evaluation criteria outlined below to critique the work.
Has the author used any colorful details that appeal to the reader's senses?
Are details specific and vivid rather than general?
Does every detail in the paragraph support the topic sentence?
Does the paragraph follow a logical spatial order?
Has the writer used transitions to help the reader follow that order?
Are the visual details engaging? List two that are particularly effective.
Is the essay free, or virtually free, of grammatical, mechanical, and spelling errors?
Family first, Himself last
My grandpa was always the type of person to put everybody else first. He would go to great lengths to make you happy or to help you when you needed it. If you needed extra cash to pay a bill or just needed something to eat he would open his house and his wallet for you. I know that sounds bad cause it makes you think we used him. Its not like that at all, he played the lotto all the time and when he would will money he would split it between his kids and grandkids. If you were family or just a friend your life was before his no matter the situation.
In 1991 my grandpa found out he hat a cist on his brain. Instead of telling anybody he kept it to himself. He lived everyday to the fullest. He didn't work a regular 9-5 job, instead he owned his own energy business in Arizona. He did this so he could spend more time with his family. He took me on vacation every year, Arizona, Las Vegas, Memphis, and St. Louis. He was there for me when I needed him.
The one time I needed him most he wasn't there. The night of June 10, 2007 my grandpa collapsed in his bathroom from a brain aneurysm. If you have heard anything about it then you know 9 times out of 10 you don't survive. If you are that lucky one then you have brain damage for the rest of your life. None of us knew that he had the cyst till that night. The doctor told us that he has had it since 91 and probably didn't want us to know about it. After I heard that I remembered my grandpa telling me he couldn't ride in airplanes saying " If I go up in a plane I will die, the doctor told me to stay clear of airplanes because of the pressure." But at the time I was too young to understand what he meant by that. My grandpa was the definition of best grandpa. You were first in his book even if that meant it would cost him his life.
In this assignment, you will write a single descriptive paragraph about someone you know. The final paragraph should be 250-300 words long and should thoroughly describe a single trait, characteristic, or quality of that person. Remember to build on the basic anatomy of a paragraph: point, evidence/illustration, explanation. To complete this assignment, please follow the writing process:
Use freewriting techniques and simple sentences patterns to create a first draft. Use adjectives and adjective phrases to be as descriptive as possible. Post this draft to the Discussion Area below by Wednesday, January 20, 2010.
By Friday, January 22, 2010, review and critique the work of at least two other students. Post your critiques to the Discussion Area below. You should use this opportunity to hone your editing and critiquing skills and to offer your peers constructive points to improve their writing. You should use the evaluation criteria outlined below to critique the work.
Has the author used any colorful details that appeal to the reader's senses?
Are details specific and vivid rather than general?
Does every detail in the paragraph support the topic sentence?
Does the paragraph follow a logical spatial order?
Has the writer used transitions to help the reader follow that order?
Are the visual details engaging? List two that are particularly effective.
Is the essay free, or virtually free, of grammatical, mechanical, and spelling errors?
Family first, Himself last
My grandpa was always the type of person to put everybody else first. He would go to great lengths to make you happy or to help you when you needed it. If you needed extra cash to pay a bill or just needed something to eat he would open his house and his wallet for you. I know that sounds bad cause it makes you think we used him. Its not like that at all, he played the lotto all the time and when he would will money he would split it between his kids and grandkids. If you were family or just a friend your life was before his no matter the situation.
In 1991 my grandpa found out he hat a cist on his brain. Instead of telling anybody he kept it to himself. He lived everyday to the fullest. He didn't work a regular 9-5 job, instead he owned his own energy business in Arizona. He did this so he could spend more time with his family. He took me on vacation every year, Arizona, Las Vegas, Memphis, and St. Louis. He was there for me when I needed him.
The one time I needed him most he wasn't there. The night of June 10, 2007 my grandpa collapsed in his bathroom from a brain aneurysm. If you have heard anything about it then you know 9 times out of 10 you don't survive. If you are that lucky one then you have brain damage for the rest of your life. None of us knew that he had the cyst till that night. The doctor told us that he has had it since 91 and probably didn't want us to know about it. After I heard that I remembered my grandpa telling me he couldn't ride in airplanes saying " If I go up in a plane I will die, the doctor told me to stay clear of airplanes because of the pressure." But at the time I was too young to understand what he meant by that. My grandpa was the definition of best grandpa. You were first in his book even if that meant it would cost him his life.