SqueedlySplooch
Jan 31, 2010
Book Reports / George Orwell's Animal Farm Essay (active voice, little forms of be, present) [3]
My English teacher says that I have a "knack" for writing, but I have pretty low self-esteem so I never think anything is good enough. Especially when I got a 90 on my last essay and an "I expected better from you" comment. It's only a 500 word assignment, but it would be greatly appreciated if you could help and critique it for me. :D I think my main problem is active voice, I'm not fully grasping how to put it. We were instructed to have active voice, very little forms of be, present tense...ect...Well, here is what I have...
George Orwell's Animal Farm perfectly portrays dictatorship at its worst. The animals of Manor Farm dream of creating a perfect utopian world for themselves where they can live freely without human rule and antagonism. Sadly though, soon after the animals conquer and drive out their master, there comes along yet another suppressing figure. Napoleon the pig begins to manipulate the other animals like putty in his hoofs in order to gain ultimate power and control over them. He and the other pigs take advantage of the animals with ease by using their superior intelligence against them. They feed the animals more lies than they do rations of food, they make them work to nearly death, and convince them that the lives they now lead are far greater than the lives they had under human control.
The takeover of Napoleon initiates with lies, and all of the animals believe that this dishonesty they are told is true. The animals are influenced to believe that "Napoleon is always right," and that there is no one else who could possibly be correct. When Snowball is charged with treachery and malevolence, he is immediately portrayed as the enemy of Animal Farm, just as Napoleon insists. The pigs lie in order to have more food for themselves, which leads to the starvation of the others just like before with Mr. Jones. They selfishly take all of the milk and apples saying that they require them the most, when it's their "comrades" who actually need them. A further example of Napoleon's chain of deceit is what he had done to Boxer. When Boxer had gotten injured while working on the windmill, the pigs told the other animals that he would be all right and that they had called a veterinarian, but instead, they called a slaughter house.
Boxer would never have gotten himself wounded in the first place if it wasn't for Napoleon forcing hard and unfair work upon the animals. The pigs do none of this work themselves, and instead they make up excuses as to why they cannot perform the tasks. They tell their "comrades" that they have to tend to all of the intelligence and business issues at hand, when they are really spending their time drinking and having fun. Napoleon promises great things for the animals if they work hard and meticulously though. He guarantees that the windmill, once finished, will be used to provide electricity and heating for the animal's barn and stalls. He swears to have a retirement age for all of the animals, and a plot of land for the retired. Boxer works extremely hard with obtaining that retirement offer always fresh in his mind, but he is disposed of before he has the chance.
Even though the work the animals are put through is obviously hard, dangerous and exhausting, the pigs keep the animals convinced that it is a wonderful thing. All of the animals on Animal Farm feel proud when they can first produce their own food without the tyrannical aid of humans. However, once the tiring labor settles into their bones and they see that they are not producing enough to feed all, the animals recognize that the life they lead under Napoleon isn't all it's cracked up to be. No animal dares to rebel against his rule though, lest they wish to be ripped apart by Napoleon's vicious police dogs.
Life on Animal Farm is barely held together with nothing but threads of deception. Just as a dictators do today, Napoleon benefits from taking advantage of those lower in class and intelligence. He fabricates promises in order to gain trust, and then rips them swiftly right out from underneath the animals. He cowardly stands behind his menacing dogs and treats the animals no better than Mr. Jones had. Napoleon and the pigs in this novel are manipulative and immoral. They show us the harsh reality of what some countries must deal with and how some human beings stomp upon others to reach higher places in the world.
My English teacher says that I have a "knack" for writing, but I have pretty low self-esteem so I never think anything is good enough. Especially when I got a 90 on my last essay and an "I expected better from you" comment. It's only a 500 word assignment, but it would be greatly appreciated if you could help and critique it for me. :D I think my main problem is active voice, I'm not fully grasping how to put it. We were instructed to have active voice, very little forms of be, present tense...ect...Well, here is what I have...
George Orwell's Animal Farm perfectly portrays dictatorship at its worst. The animals of Manor Farm dream of creating a perfect utopian world for themselves where they can live freely without human rule and antagonism. Sadly though, soon after the animals conquer and drive out their master, there comes along yet another suppressing figure. Napoleon the pig begins to manipulate the other animals like putty in his hoofs in order to gain ultimate power and control over them. He and the other pigs take advantage of the animals with ease by using their superior intelligence against them. They feed the animals more lies than they do rations of food, they make them work to nearly death, and convince them that the lives they now lead are far greater than the lives they had under human control.
The takeover of Napoleon initiates with lies, and all of the animals believe that this dishonesty they are told is true. The animals are influenced to believe that "Napoleon is always right," and that there is no one else who could possibly be correct. When Snowball is charged with treachery and malevolence, he is immediately portrayed as the enemy of Animal Farm, just as Napoleon insists. The pigs lie in order to have more food for themselves, which leads to the starvation of the others just like before with Mr. Jones. They selfishly take all of the milk and apples saying that they require them the most, when it's their "comrades" who actually need them. A further example of Napoleon's chain of deceit is what he had done to Boxer. When Boxer had gotten injured while working on the windmill, the pigs told the other animals that he would be all right and that they had called a veterinarian, but instead, they called a slaughter house.
Boxer would never have gotten himself wounded in the first place if it wasn't for Napoleon forcing hard and unfair work upon the animals. The pigs do none of this work themselves, and instead they make up excuses as to why they cannot perform the tasks. They tell their "comrades" that they have to tend to all of the intelligence and business issues at hand, when they are really spending their time drinking and having fun. Napoleon promises great things for the animals if they work hard and meticulously though. He guarantees that the windmill, once finished, will be used to provide electricity and heating for the animal's barn and stalls. He swears to have a retirement age for all of the animals, and a plot of land for the retired. Boxer works extremely hard with obtaining that retirement offer always fresh in his mind, but he is disposed of before he has the chance.
Even though the work the animals are put through is obviously hard, dangerous and exhausting, the pigs keep the animals convinced that it is a wonderful thing. All of the animals on Animal Farm feel proud when they can first produce their own food without the tyrannical aid of humans. However, once the tiring labor settles into their bones and they see that they are not producing enough to feed all, the animals recognize that the life they lead under Napoleon isn't all it's cracked up to be. No animal dares to rebel against his rule though, lest they wish to be ripped apart by Napoleon's vicious police dogs.
Life on Animal Farm is barely held together with nothing but threads of deception. Just as a dictators do today, Napoleon benefits from taking advantage of those lower in class and intelligence. He fabricates promises in order to gain trust, and then rips them swiftly right out from underneath the animals. He cowardly stands behind his menacing dogs and treats the animals no better than Mr. Jones had. Napoleon and the pigs in this novel are manipulative and immoral. They show us the harsh reality of what some countries must deal with and how some human beings stomp upon others to reach higher places in the world.
