Undergraduate / UC Berkeley graduate admission essay - Achievement [5]

Question: Tell us about your most significant accomplishment

Standing on the edge of the dock over Mountain Island Lake, I looked at the vast expanse of calm water with a burning anxiety. Although I am practicing in the pool for a year now, the thought of swimming above the unknown sent me shivers through my body. After all not even two years has passed since I starred at the face of certain death.

While vacationing with my friends at a farm house, I accidentally fell into an open farm well. The well was so isolated that my cries for help fell in deaf ears. The more I struggled to stay on top, the deeper I went. I felt my chest being crushed from inside and slowly lost consciousness. The next thing I remembered was someone trying to drain the waters out of my flooded lungs.

This near miss left a deep hole in my psyche. It took me a year and lot of courage to sign up for the swimming lessons. Yet, the nightmares kept coming back and I felt that the only way to put this behind is to face it. Now, the moment arrived-I took a deep breath and dived into the water with only one thing in mind-the distant shore. I swam the entire mile within half-an-hour, which is pretty impressive for an amateur. This experience made me to appreciate every second of my life and not to shy away from taking risk in both professional and personal life. Today, swimming is one of my hobbies and I regularly swim in rivers and streams.

How does this look?

Kindly review the essay ASAP.

Thanks,
Joe