Writing Feedback / Competition or cooperation---GRE ANALYSIS WRITING ISSUE [3]

hello,I'm going to take GRE analysis writing test recently,but I am not sure if my expression can meet the standard.
Please give me some advice on my essay, and I'll really appreciate it.
topic:
"While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation."

Competition or cooperation,which is always a heated question among us,here for a great leader,they are both key words to success. In my view, competition plays a more important role for leadership, and competition vs cooperation, maybe 70/30%. Competition leads to productivity by motivating people to do their best and try new things,while cooperation leads to producitivity by making people to help each other and exchange experiences. As a leader of a certain group,he/she has the responsibility to ensure that the group are working efficiently and effectively.

First, a group is made of individuals, and individuals can improve themselves as well as spur others by competing. For example,during school time, we compete grades with each other . In order to get a higher score, almost everyone spend a large amount of time on studying, thus attaining the necessary skills and gradually finding their own learning methods and value systems. At the same time,with cooperation, we can have a healthy learning atmosphere. After all, two heads are better than one. Discussion is a very useful way to change ideas and spark new ones. Comparing competition with cooperation, I think competition is the main reason to encourage a person to make successive progress and have one's confidence, because they need to push themselves rather than coasting on the efforts of others.

Second, as a whole team, While competing with other teams, the team within are quite harmonious and solid. I remembered that In high school, we had two sport meetings annually,and that were the most exciting things we expected. Because during the training time, a class hold together firmly and every boys and girls want to win an honor for the class.They lay down personal contradictions, and fight for the team's success. In this aspect, competition promotes cooperation. On the other hand, sometimes cooperation can create an unexpected miracle. There are two shops near my home: one sells books. the other sells coffee. But both businesses run not very well. One day, inspired by an idea of a magzine, the bosses of the two shops decided to combine the books and coffee in one big shop and run a common business hand in hand. The result was amazing. Customers who come to buy coffee pay attention to the latest books and customers who come to buy books are lured by the scent of coffee. Both sales increased and they saved the cost of rental owing to the wise cooperation. In sum, competition make a team strong and dynamic, and cooperation create a win-win situation for both teams. I think competition is the basis of team success, as I said before, competition promotes individuals cooperation within a team. in addition, if a team are not ambitious and vigorous enough, no team want to cooperate with them.

In a conclusion,to be an outstanding leader ,one should have a well-developped sense of both competition and cooperation,and make use of them in a proper way.But I insist he/she should value more of advantage of competiton, because in most of the time we compete for life,which is a significant feature of nature. And as an effective completement, the leader should be familiar with the skills of cooperation.