chencong0320
Feb 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / "a great nation indicator" - GRE Issue essay [2]
I'm going to take GRE analysis writing test recently. Would you please help me to revise this issue. Thank you!
TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."
The speaker states that the most significant indicator of a great nation is the welfare of all the people but not the achievements by the rulers, artists and scientists. At the outset, I believe the statement is true in that a nation is made up by people and whatever the governor does is to let people live a better life. However, we should not dismiss the contributions made by a nation's pioneering persons.
First of all, the general welfare of the whole people is vital to a great nation. The general welfare includes the level of health, poverty, education, economic and so forth. Admittedly, a great nation will try its best to solve the problems in these fields. Only when these problems are disappeared will the nation contribute to its people. Take the United States for example, it is one of the nations with low unemployment rate and high living standard, for which people throughout the world all admit that the US is a great nation. On the contrary, a nation without security, living guarantee is a tragedy to its people. Just think of residents in Afghanistan, they have no guarantee for living. In most cases, they have to tolerate starvation and illness because of their low living standard. They also lose opportunity for education, which even impedes the improvement of the whole nation. Therefore, without general welfare a nation is far away from greatness.
However, we should not ignore the contributions of pioneering persons to a nation's greatness. Pioneering people could draw the whole world's attention to their nation and get a chance to show its greatness to all the people on the earth. India is a developing country with lower general welfare than the US, but this does not reduce its greatness in people's mind. India has one of the best educated people in the world and many contributed individuals in various fields. Gandhi was one of the greatest men leading freedom movement in the world. Tagore was one of the excellent writers who won the Nobel Prize in the history of India. Satyajit won the lifetime achievement Oscar award for his excellence in cinema. All the foregoing achievements show that India is a great nation, not by its general welfare but due to the outstanding contributions made by pioneering people. Hence, the contributions of rulers, scientists and artists are also indicators of a great nation.
In fact, great pioneering people and general welfare are both of significance to a great nation, which are interrelated rather than conflicting. A wise leader is the guarantee of national security and economic development, which is the foundation of general welfare. Researches made by excellent scientists help people live a better life. Yuan Longping, a famous agricultural scientist in China, developed hybrid rice which solves the food requirement by tens of millions of population. His enormous contribution enhanced general welfare significantly. Therefore, achievements of well-known individuals and general welfare are both important to a great nation.
To sum up, general welfare is indeed an important indicator to a great nation. At the same time, we should also pay attention to the achievements made by pioneers. Only by connecting great achievements with general welfare can a nation realize its real greatness.
I'm going to take GRE analysis writing test recently. Would you please help me to revise this issue. Thank you!
TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."
The speaker states that the most significant indicator of a great nation is the welfare of all the people but not the achievements by the rulers, artists and scientists. At the outset, I believe the statement is true in that a nation is made up by people and whatever the governor does is to let people live a better life. However, we should not dismiss the contributions made by a nation's pioneering persons.
First of all, the general welfare of the whole people is vital to a great nation. The general welfare includes the level of health, poverty, education, economic and so forth. Admittedly, a great nation will try its best to solve the problems in these fields. Only when these problems are disappeared will the nation contribute to its people. Take the United States for example, it is one of the nations with low unemployment rate and high living standard, for which people throughout the world all admit that the US is a great nation. On the contrary, a nation without security, living guarantee is a tragedy to its people. Just think of residents in Afghanistan, they have no guarantee for living. In most cases, they have to tolerate starvation and illness because of their low living standard. They also lose opportunity for education, which even impedes the improvement of the whole nation. Therefore, without general welfare a nation is far away from greatness.
However, we should not ignore the contributions of pioneering persons to a nation's greatness. Pioneering people could draw the whole world's attention to their nation and get a chance to show its greatness to all the people on the earth. India is a developing country with lower general welfare than the US, but this does not reduce its greatness in people's mind. India has one of the best educated people in the world and many contributed individuals in various fields. Gandhi was one of the greatest men leading freedom movement in the world. Tagore was one of the excellent writers who won the Nobel Prize in the history of India. Satyajit won the lifetime achievement Oscar award for his excellence in cinema. All the foregoing achievements show that India is a great nation, not by its general welfare but due to the outstanding contributions made by pioneering people. Hence, the contributions of rulers, scientists and artists are also indicators of a great nation.
In fact, great pioneering people and general welfare are both of significance to a great nation, which are interrelated rather than conflicting. A wise leader is the guarantee of national security and economic development, which is the foundation of general welfare. Researches made by excellent scientists help people live a better life. Yuan Longping, a famous agricultural scientist in China, developed hybrid rice which solves the food requirement by tens of millions of population. His enormous contribution enhanced general welfare significantly. Therefore, achievements of well-known individuals and general welfare are both important to a great nation.
To sum up, general welfare is indeed an important indicator to a great nation. At the same time, we should also pay attention to the achievements made by pioneers. Only by connecting great achievements with general welfare can a nation realize its real greatness.
