Vexill
Feb 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Describe a significant choice that you had to make, discuss the consequences... [4]
Thanks so much for the help. I see exactly what you mean about the lack of a "decision" feeling, and I really didn't discuss the consequences.
Here's a possible revised paragraph. What do you think?
There were about a hundred people in front of me. Each and every one of them was grasping a water bottle in one hand, while desperately struggling to fan themselves with the other. Sweat was a unifying factor among us. I wasn't sure what kind thoughts were circulating, but in my head, a feeling of restlessness had began to take hold. Restless, I thought, to go into a store and spend $300? It was a hard decision, but I decided to buy myself a phone. Doing so meant committing to a monthly payment, a scary thing at age 15. It also meant my job became more of a job, and less of a luxury. I had to be crazy. It was then I took a look ahead of me and that concern was laid to rest. "Crazy", I determined, was a term better suited to the people with lawn chairs and ice chests at the front of the line.
Thanks so much for the help. I see exactly what you mean about the lack of a "decision" feeling, and I really didn't discuss the consequences.
Here's a possible revised paragraph. What do you think?
There were about a hundred people in front of me. Each and every one of them was grasping a water bottle in one hand, while desperately struggling to fan themselves with the other. Sweat was a unifying factor among us. I wasn't sure what kind thoughts were circulating, but in my head, a feeling of restlessness had began to take hold. Restless, I thought, to go into a store and spend $300? It was a hard decision, but I decided to buy myself a phone. Doing so meant committing to a monthly payment, a scary thing at age 15. It also meant my job became more of a job, and less of a luxury. I had to be crazy. It was then I took a look ahead of me and that concern was laid to rest. "Crazy", I determined, was a term better suited to the people with lawn chairs and ice chests at the front of the line.