Writing Feedback / Study abroad should be encouraged when students are eighteen [4]

Hi
I have a Final assignment for argumentative essay!
So I think eighteen years old is an proper age to be encouraged study abroad.

Plz read cardfully and write some comments!
Thanks!

Studying Abroad Should Be Encouraged When Students Are Over Eighteen
Study abroad is admired by every Korean. However, people argue when the best time is to study abroad. Some of them said it is good to study abroad as young as possible, and others said young people are not ready to be alone. I moved to America when I was eighteen. I remember the first day. I was afraid of foreign culture, but I accepted it and considered that I was going to do. After adjusting to America, I became a mature and independent person. At that time, my ego was almost settled down on my mind, and my brain was fresh enough to absorb new culture. Therefore, students who are over eighteen should be encouraged to study abroad.

When we are eighteen years old, our ego and identification are almost completed. Nonetheless, the opponents who regard eighteen is too young to study abroad said student's identification might be confused by new culture and environment. According to my experience, my identification was shocked for a month after I moved to the U.S. I felt as if I am a half Korean and half American. However, based on the identification from home country, I overcame it, and learned how to live in America as a Korean. Thus, students are aware of their identification when they are eighteen, so people should not worry about it.

Age eighteen is a middle point between a junior and an adult. Students who are eighteen absorb everything that they learn, but on the other hand, they know responsibility. If we apply this to studying abroad, student's brain is ready to learn new culture and language. At the same time, they realize obligation in a strange place. As a result, students who are eighteen are not only easy to adjust to new culture but also have responsibility.

Students who enter a high school ought to develop their abilities as much as they can in abroad. In Korea, parents want their children to be the best, so passion for education is so high that sometimes children cannot develop creativity for study. In addition, because of cultural philosophy, students avoid speaking during a class. Furthermore, high schools in Korea do not have many activities or clubs. In contrast, America is the country of freedom. Students are encouraged to make a speech during a class, student's opinions are respected, and there are various clubs to realize their creativity. Compared with Korea, America has many educational advantages which Korea does not have. Consequently, students who just enter a high school have to study abroad and experience a diverse educational environment.

Many people worry about the students who study abroad alone. Students may go through confused identification, and sometimes students have to solve problems by themselves. However, through these trials, they would be more mature then when they are under their parents. Moreover, we all know the benefits such as better environment and more opportunities to succeed if we study abroad. For these reasons, age eighteen is the best age to be encouraged for study abroad because identification and responsibility are settled down, students easily adjust to new culture, and they can escape from inactive education.