lesharo
Apr 9, 2010
Writing Feedback / An invention we'd be better off without - essay critique [4]
Hey there, thanks for clicking! To clear up, this is a practice college essay, with a prompt taken from a website. I'm only a sophomore in high school, but I want to start preparing now. Please keep in mind that the targeted school for this essay is Sarah Lawrence -- a liberal arts college focused on writing -- but I'm not writing solely for SLC, so I want to know if this type of unstructured voice is alright for anywhere. Feedback is appreciated, constructive criticism loved! Thanks so much.
What invention would the world be better off without, and why?
I suppose if I could pick an invention the world would be better off without, I'd have to choose, in a squeaker over Crocs, Hummers, and pre-ripped jeans, the television.
(At least one person reading this is, I'm sure, having a minor 'Yeah, totally! Oh wait, I think Glee comes on tonight! How dare she?!' moment. I bet you five dollars.)
My reasoning behind this, Glee fans, is complex, and it's not because I have the social and mental tendencies of a ninety-year-old curmudgeon stubbornly refusing to buy a computer because "back in my day we didn't need the inter-net to talk to people or buy clothes, dammit!" The television is not like the computer; there are never actual reasons to watch TV. Sure, I may want to watch The History Channel for some good ol' fashioned learnin' about WWI, but how long am I realistically going to stay tuned into that program before something more flashy, say, Project Runway (pre-Lifetime, of course), shows up and I unthinkingly switch channels, enticed by the prospect of being entertained by loud, hilariously clueless contestants designing endearingly awful outfits for Lady Gaga?
The answer is not very long, and therein lies one of my problems with television. I can watch it to learn, but more likely I will instead waste away the hours mindlessly maiming my innocent little brain cells, observing such critical moments like Boston Rob being voted off Survivor or the announcement of the winner of that season's America's Next Top Model. The hours that I could have spent doing something, you know, perfectly productive and positive (say that three times fast) was instead blown on staring blankly at this little box with funny moving pictures in it.
And the god damn commercials that come on every five minutes, reminding us that our car tires definitely need to be replaced, or to make sure to pick up the new season of that great medical show everyone's been Tweeting about, only $19.95 if you get it TODAY!, only serve to cripple the weak-minded individuals who totter around, eating at Cracker Barrel and living off of retirement, who don't know any better than to plop down on their couch and lay back and let corporations brainwash them into believing that they really, really need that new car, even if they probably should be saving so they have enough money to pay for next month's food. The sad thing is that people all around America and the world don't get it. They don't realize that by watching these ads, these horrible advertisements for useless garbage that serves no purpose, they are killing themselves, pandering their lives as the big businesses make money off of things like the Littlest Pet Shop (collect all 65!) animals and Shamwows.
I don't want the world to have glaze-over eyes, thickset calves, and entirely too much shit piling up around their houses. I don't want people to waste their lives watching as other people live on TV, regretting the fact that they couldn't be just like those Connors. Live your on damn lives, people. Get up. Read a book. Help someone out. Just turn off Jersey Shore and nobody gets hurt.
Hey there, thanks for clicking! To clear up, this is a practice college essay, with a prompt taken from a website. I'm only a sophomore in high school, but I want to start preparing now. Please keep in mind that the targeted school for this essay is Sarah Lawrence -- a liberal arts college focused on writing -- but I'm not writing solely for SLC, so I want to know if this type of unstructured voice is alright for anywhere. Feedback is appreciated, constructive criticism loved! Thanks so much.
What invention would the world be better off without, and why?
I suppose if I could pick an invention the world would be better off without, I'd have to choose, in a squeaker over Crocs, Hummers, and pre-ripped jeans, the television.
(At least one person reading this is, I'm sure, having a minor 'Yeah, totally! Oh wait, I think Glee comes on tonight! How dare she?!' moment. I bet you five dollars.)
My reasoning behind this, Glee fans, is complex, and it's not because I have the social and mental tendencies of a ninety-year-old curmudgeon stubbornly refusing to buy a computer because "back in my day we didn't need the inter-net to talk to people or buy clothes, dammit!" The television is not like the computer; there are never actual reasons to watch TV. Sure, I may want to watch The History Channel for some good ol' fashioned learnin' about WWI, but how long am I realistically going to stay tuned into that program before something more flashy, say, Project Runway (pre-Lifetime, of course), shows up and I unthinkingly switch channels, enticed by the prospect of being entertained by loud, hilariously clueless contestants designing endearingly awful outfits for Lady Gaga?
The answer is not very long, and therein lies one of my problems with television. I can watch it to learn, but more likely I will instead waste away the hours mindlessly maiming my innocent little brain cells, observing such critical moments like Boston Rob being voted off Survivor or the announcement of the winner of that season's America's Next Top Model. The hours that I could have spent doing something, you know, perfectly productive and positive (say that three times fast) was instead blown on staring blankly at this little box with funny moving pictures in it.
And the god damn commercials that come on every five minutes, reminding us that our car tires definitely need to be replaced, or to make sure to pick up the new season of that great medical show everyone's been Tweeting about, only $19.95 if you get it TODAY!, only serve to cripple the weak-minded individuals who totter around, eating at Cracker Barrel and living off of retirement, who don't know any better than to plop down on their couch and lay back and let corporations brainwash them into believing that they really, really need that new car, even if they probably should be saving so they have enough money to pay for next month's food. The sad thing is that people all around America and the world don't get it. They don't realize that by watching these ads, these horrible advertisements for useless garbage that serves no purpose, they are killing themselves, pandering their lives as the big businesses make money off of things like the Littlest Pet Shop (collect all 65!) animals and Shamwows.
I don't want the world to have glaze-over eyes, thickset calves, and entirely too much shit piling up around their houses. I don't want people to waste their lives watching as other people live on TV, regretting the fact that they couldn't be just like those Connors. Live your on damn lives, people. Get up. Read a book. Help someone out. Just turn off Jersey Shore and nobody gets hurt.
