Pheonix
Apr 21, 2008
Pheonix
Apr 20, 2008
Scholarship / Pencil and Paper - Scholarship Essay [4]
I have only a week to finish this. Please critique on my grammar and your view on this narrative. Thanks a lot!
The essay was supposed to have 500 words, but mine is only about 482 and I'm not sure if that's ok??
"Pencil and Paper"
When I was only ten, like most children, I liked to spend my time drawing. Sometimes I would cut them out to play with my sibling. One day, I was sitting on a floor and was drawing a picture of a horse. When I was finished I went up to my mother, who was sitting on a chair in the living room, and gleefully held up the picture in front of her face and said, "Look at my picture!" But Mom just chuckled and didn't seem to be all that impressed. I took the picture with me and went back to sit at my original spot. I took a look at a book that had pictures of horses in it, and flipped to a page that had a picture of a baby foal. "Maybe I should draw that picture", I thought. I picked up a pencil and began drawing on a small piece of paper. Only this time, I was drawing with determination and the desire to impress Mom. I was possessed with each careful little pencil stroke and every scrutinizing look between my drawing and the picture. Every line I conjured up mirrored the edges of the foal's body, and I kept on going with the flow of the pencil until I got the outside edges done and looking right. I looked at the size of the foal's eyes and location. I checked the shape of the nostrils. I did everything. When I was done, I got back up and went back to Mom again, giving her the picture, and to my surprise, for the first time she placed one hand over her chest and with surprised look on her face was impressed. She looked at me with a huge smile.
"Wow! That is very good Lynn. It looks just like a horse in real life." she said awingly.
"Thank you, I'm so happy that you like it!" I exclaimed joyfully. It was an unbelievable occurrence that I actually drew something well.
From then on, drawing is an ability that I could use as an escape or a hobby. It gave me freedom to express myself. I drew whatever my passions lead me to produce. I could create anything that I wanted to. Making a good piece of art requires patience and discipline. While drawing a scenery of nature, I had to work on every detail and fix wherever it did not look right as I go. Sometimes a lot of detail and complexity is a little daunting but in the end it is worthwhile, because hard work will take you to a beautiful masterpiece, and also displays my passion and dedication behind it. It is an exciting challenge. When challenge is fulfilled, I am filled with satisfactory and triumph as I stare back at what I have accomplished. Passion and dedication is the key to the success of your dreams.
I have only a week to finish this. Please critique on my grammar and your view on this narrative. Thanks a lot!
The essay was supposed to have 500 words, but mine is only about 482 and I'm not sure if that's ok??
"Pencil and Paper"
When I was only ten, like most children, I liked to spend my time drawing. Sometimes I would cut them out to play with my sibling. One day, I was sitting on a floor and was drawing a picture of a horse. When I was finished I went up to my mother, who was sitting on a chair in the living room, and gleefully held up the picture in front of her face and said, "Look at my picture!" But Mom just chuckled and didn't seem to be all that impressed. I took the picture with me and went back to sit at my original spot. I took a look at a book that had pictures of horses in it, and flipped to a page that had a picture of a baby foal. "Maybe I should draw that picture", I thought. I picked up a pencil and began drawing on a small piece of paper. Only this time, I was drawing with determination and the desire to impress Mom. I was possessed with each careful little pencil stroke and every scrutinizing look between my drawing and the picture. Every line I conjured up mirrored the edges of the foal's body, and I kept on going with the flow of the pencil until I got the outside edges done and looking right. I looked at the size of the foal's eyes and location. I checked the shape of the nostrils. I did everything. When I was done, I got back up and went back to Mom again, giving her the picture, and to my surprise, for the first time she placed one hand over her chest and with surprised look on her face was impressed. She looked at me with a huge smile.
"Wow! That is very good Lynn. It looks just like a horse in real life." she said awingly.
"Thank you, I'm so happy that you like it!" I exclaimed joyfully. It was an unbelievable occurrence that I actually drew something well.
From then on, drawing is an ability that I could use as an escape or a hobby. It gave me freedom to express myself. I drew whatever my passions lead me to produce. I could create anything that I wanted to. Making a good piece of art requires patience and discipline. While drawing a scenery of nature, I had to work on every detail and fix wherever it did not look right as I go. Sometimes a lot of detail and complexity is a little daunting but in the end it is worthwhile, because hard work will take you to a beautiful masterpiece, and also displays my passion and dedication behind it. It is an exciting challenge. When challenge is fulfilled, I am filled with satisfactory and triumph as I stare back at what I have accomplished. Passion and dedication is the key to the success of your dreams.
