Writing Feedback / IELTS taks 2 essay: computer has negative effects to children [6]

Using computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children?
do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, thanks to the development of technology, computer is now indispensable to life. Some people think that computer is good for children and it should be used daily by children but some others think differently. In my opinion, the latter opinion is true.

First, using computer constantly has bad influence on children's eyes. When they concentrate on computer for too long, their eyes will get tired, which is the main reason for some eyes problems, typically shortsighted.

Moreover, children who play games too much on computer can seriously lack communicating skills, they will know little about the outside life. It is a well-known fact that people who are addicted to games, especially online games, can eventually bear dangerous consequences. For instance, several teenagers play games without rest, which leads to health depression, a typical example is the death of Korean gamer, who had a non-stop playing for 3 days.

Finally, even people who are not interested in online game can still be negatively affected by using computer too much. Some social surveys have shown that a few children use computer for studying purpose, most of them are attracted by facebook, blog, etc. instead. Due to this neglect, they will have a bad result in school because when they can not live without internet, they will have no time for their studying.

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that computer is a crucial part of human life, it still has its bad side, especially for children. People should learn how to use it properly to make it an effective tool because computer should be used not only for entertaining but also for working and studying purpose.

This is my practice essay for IELTS task 2.please give me some feedback about it and the possible bandscore.

Thanks !!!