schnookumz03
Jul 24, 2010
Undergraduate / I was born into a rich family: UC Personal Statement for Graduates of 2011 [3]
Hey guys, I really need help with my personal statement. I'm not exactly a great writer, so please help me out.
There are two prompts:
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
and
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I'm a little over the word count right now, but I think it's okay for now. I'll make sure that my final draft is within the word count.
Prompt #1
It really is a wonder how I was born into a rich family. By rich, I don't mean money, but I mean knowledge. For as long as I can remember, my family encouraged me to strive for the things I want most and to work diligently to achieve my goals. My father came from a large poor family, and never graduated from high school. He knew as he grew older that he did not want his children to live through the same adversities as he did, but he knew he still had to teach us the same values he learned. My sister, the first to inherit my father's wisdom, not only followed through with my father's standards but also came up with her own. Following her was my next sister, who followed the same procedure. All three of these people combined their knowledge, morals, attitudes, and motivational drives into a small new package: me.
Some might consider me to be lucky, but being overshadowed by my siblings as a child was not exactly a "lucky" experience. I was always told to be more like my two older sisters. "Why aren't you as talented as your sister?" "Why can't you do this as fast as your sister?" or "Are you going to be Student Body President like your sister?" It was frustrating growing up like that, but it had its benefits. I was able to learn from them and build off of their teachings. I followed their footsteps but spread my feet further apart. My oldest sister was good at simple hip hop dancing, so I strived to make myself better. I picked up Popping, a style of dance which includes the Robot, Waving, Tutting, and Floating (the Moonwalk). She was in a few clubs, so I joined those same clubs and the clubs she didn't think she could handle. I was proud of myself. I felt like I was finally stepping out of my sisters' shoes.
These programs have kept my life busy and enjoyable for the past few years, and have carved out the road to my future. The two extracurricular activities which I had the most significant impact on my life were Key Club and Science Bowl. Key Club is a service organization, and it was here when I realized how much I love helping other people. Whether for the elderly, the young, the disabled, a school, or even for our country, I felt content. I even plan to join Circle K in college and become a Kiwanis Advisor after I graduate, that way I can keep serving and mentor children and young adults to become the best they can be. Science Bowl, on the other hand, is a nationwide academic competition which tests students in all fields of science and math, and here my passion for science escaladed twentyfold. I've always enjoyed science, but it was in my Honors Integrated Coordinated Science class where I finally saw how fascinating math and science really are. My teacher said I had a knack for science, and said I should join the Science Bowl team. At my first practice, I was mesmerized at how much knowledge there was to learn. I enjoyed these two clubs so much I became one of the most active members. It is now senior year, and I am officially no longer either one of my sisters' shadows.
Prompt #2
Dylan Thomas once said, "He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest." I always had interesting activities to do as a child, so the word "boredom" was a complete bewilderment to me. I lived the first nine or ten years of my life free to feel free and active, but once I switched schools in the fifth grade things changed. I wouldn't particularly say this new school was the direct source of my boredom, but the teachers gave us so much work to do. I came from a school with one teacher teaching us all subjects to a school with a teacher for each subject. Homework would be assigned for every subject, and I couldn't take it. I struggled to keep up but after a few months, so I gave up. I sought rest. For the rest of my fifth grade year, rest was what I lived for. Needless to say, I paid dearly for it. I only received three A's, two B's, a C in my Science class, and a year's worth of boredom. My science teacher told me on the last day of school that she didn't think I was going to make it in middle and high School. I proved her wrong.
That summer before sixth grade, I realized I had to make choice. I could relive my fifth grade year of sheer boredom or I could relive my first nine years of enjoyment. I chose the latter choice. By this time I was already accustomed to the school schedule and how much homework would be assigned, so I braced myself. Turns out, it wasn't so bad. I got all my work done, became good friends with all my teachers, and finished the school year with top marks. This lifestyle continued until the summer after eighth grade.
That summer I knew high school would be ten times as hard as middle school, and I knew I had to join as many clubs as possible. I joined a bunch and thought I'd die from exhaustion, but it was the exact opposite. I couldn't get enough. Nothing satisfied me. During school vacations and breaks, I'd be bored out of my mind. I started remembering my fifth grade year. Eyes widened, mind racing, fingers typing, I searched for something to do online. I played games for a few days, and then felt bored once again. I didn't understand why I kept feeling that way. Then I thought, "What if I try learning something new?" I've always wanted to learn how to speak Korean and Japanese, dance like the people in movies, play guitar, and play piano. This was the time to do it.
It's been about three years since I've kept this lifestyle up, and I love it. Some might think I'm crazy for seeking work and not rest, but I've found that seeking work is the same as seeking rest, just without the boredom. I may be stressed from time to time, whether from school or my personal life, but it's all worth it. The rest, the serenity, the success, the satisfaction, and the adoration (that's just a bonus...), I'd live this life twice if I could.
Thank you guys soooo much. I really appreciate any help I can get. It's summer vacation right now, so I don't have much contact with teachers at school. Please help me!
Charlene
Hey guys, I really need help with my personal statement. I'm not exactly a great writer, so please help me out.
There are two prompts:
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
and
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I'm a little over the word count right now, but I think it's okay for now. I'll make sure that my final draft is within the word count.
Prompt #1
It really is a wonder how I was born into a rich family. By rich, I don't mean money, but I mean knowledge. For as long as I can remember, my family encouraged me to strive for the things I want most and to work diligently to achieve my goals. My father came from a large poor family, and never graduated from high school. He knew as he grew older that he did not want his children to live through the same adversities as he did, but he knew he still had to teach us the same values he learned. My sister, the first to inherit my father's wisdom, not only followed through with my father's standards but also came up with her own. Following her was my next sister, who followed the same procedure. All three of these people combined their knowledge, morals, attitudes, and motivational drives into a small new package: me.
Some might consider me to be lucky, but being overshadowed by my siblings as a child was not exactly a "lucky" experience. I was always told to be more like my two older sisters. "Why aren't you as talented as your sister?" "Why can't you do this as fast as your sister?" or "Are you going to be Student Body President like your sister?" It was frustrating growing up like that, but it had its benefits. I was able to learn from them and build off of their teachings. I followed their footsteps but spread my feet further apart. My oldest sister was good at simple hip hop dancing, so I strived to make myself better. I picked up Popping, a style of dance which includes the Robot, Waving, Tutting, and Floating (the Moonwalk). She was in a few clubs, so I joined those same clubs and the clubs she didn't think she could handle. I was proud of myself. I felt like I was finally stepping out of my sisters' shoes.
These programs have kept my life busy and enjoyable for the past few years, and have carved out the road to my future. The two extracurricular activities which I had the most significant impact on my life were Key Club and Science Bowl. Key Club is a service organization, and it was here when I realized how much I love helping other people. Whether for the elderly, the young, the disabled, a school, or even for our country, I felt content. I even plan to join Circle K in college and become a Kiwanis Advisor after I graduate, that way I can keep serving and mentor children and young adults to become the best they can be. Science Bowl, on the other hand, is a nationwide academic competition which tests students in all fields of science and math, and here my passion for science escaladed twentyfold. I've always enjoyed science, but it was in my Honors Integrated Coordinated Science class where I finally saw how fascinating math and science really are. My teacher said I had a knack for science, and said I should join the Science Bowl team. At my first practice, I was mesmerized at how much knowledge there was to learn. I enjoyed these two clubs so much I became one of the most active members. It is now senior year, and I am officially no longer either one of my sisters' shadows.
Prompt #2
Dylan Thomas once said, "He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest." I always had interesting activities to do as a child, so the word "boredom" was a complete bewilderment to me. I lived the first nine or ten years of my life free to feel free and active, but once I switched schools in the fifth grade things changed. I wouldn't particularly say this new school was the direct source of my boredom, but the teachers gave us so much work to do. I came from a school with one teacher teaching us all subjects to a school with a teacher for each subject. Homework would be assigned for every subject, and I couldn't take it. I struggled to keep up but after a few months, so I gave up. I sought rest. For the rest of my fifth grade year, rest was what I lived for. Needless to say, I paid dearly for it. I only received three A's, two B's, a C in my Science class, and a year's worth of boredom. My science teacher told me on the last day of school that she didn't think I was going to make it in middle and high School. I proved her wrong.
That summer before sixth grade, I realized I had to make choice. I could relive my fifth grade year of sheer boredom or I could relive my first nine years of enjoyment. I chose the latter choice. By this time I was already accustomed to the school schedule and how much homework would be assigned, so I braced myself. Turns out, it wasn't so bad. I got all my work done, became good friends with all my teachers, and finished the school year with top marks. This lifestyle continued until the summer after eighth grade.
That summer I knew high school would be ten times as hard as middle school, and I knew I had to join as many clubs as possible. I joined a bunch and thought I'd die from exhaustion, but it was the exact opposite. I couldn't get enough. Nothing satisfied me. During school vacations and breaks, I'd be bored out of my mind. I started remembering my fifth grade year. Eyes widened, mind racing, fingers typing, I searched for something to do online. I played games for a few days, and then felt bored once again. I didn't understand why I kept feeling that way. Then I thought, "What if I try learning something new?" I've always wanted to learn how to speak Korean and Japanese, dance like the people in movies, play guitar, and play piano. This was the time to do it.
It's been about three years since I've kept this lifestyle up, and I love it. Some might think I'm crazy for seeking work and not rest, but I've found that seeking work is the same as seeking rest, just without the boredom. I may be stressed from time to time, whether from school or my personal life, but it's all worth it. The rest, the serenity, the success, the satisfaction, and the adoration (that's just a bonus...), I'd live this life twice if I could.
Thank you guys soooo much. I really appreciate any help I can get. It's summer vacation right now, so I don't have much contact with teachers at school. Please help me!
Charlene
