Undergraduate / board member of our high school student government, experiences you have had [4]

Dear Mathew,

The topic of your essay is a worthy one for the reader to get interested in what you have to say next. The topic you started with is "The person what we are now is the product of experiences we have gone through in the past." If this is the topic you need to develop, using your experiences, then you need to elaborate on your experiences, which I see you mention two of them you experienced in high school. Discuss how those two experiences helped you improve your self-confidence, along with your faith in God. How those two events in high school (in one you were a winner, but in the other not) helped you or challenged you in your quest for finding the strength in you? Did believing in God make you handle your success of the first experience with equanimity? What challenges did you face? How did those challenges help you improve your self-confidence? Did the challlenges kindle in you more determination not to give up?

If your topic is the impact of the past experiences on a person's actions in the present, you need to tie your own experiences of the past to your own being what you are today: How did your experiences change you for the person you are today?

Best,

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