Undergraduate / My mother's strength (Vires) [3]

You need to state somewhere after "explained her fate to me" that she has cancer. I think it would make it sound better and lend more to the emotions and the confusion you are trying to express in the introduction.

This is an amazing essay topic, and I'm sure you will get excepted!!!

Undergraduate / The next puzzle piece- University of Chicago question 1 supplement [5]

You need to be more personal. I can tell you are smart, that you love history, and even that you are driven. However, you're lacking that specific thing that says precisely "I belong here!"

Given your love of history you could turn this into something very creative. You could say "Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming that I'm (insert historical figure doing historical action)" That's one really bad example, but you could make this a really amazing essay. Be creative. Really put your love of history into the essay. Make it come alive.

Undergraduate / Hockey, the game and sport and my passion; PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]

This sounds like it could be an entire essay! If I were you I would create a hook. Something along the lines of When I was 15 I made Team USA Hockey(or what ever it's called.) That one sentence oversimplifies the dedication, blah, blah, blah you get what I mean. This essay is a great opportunity to show admissions that not only are you a great athlete, but you're a hard worker whose dedicated and displays leadership potential.

How ever I would change the beginning, and go from there. You pretty much have the entire thing written and it is good, I just think it could be better.