Undergraduate / " Life with a handicapped mother..." COMMON APP ESSAY [10]

Much better. :) I liked it especially because I feel that "jeong" is one of the hardest Korean words to translate and explain.

Undergraduate / " Life with a handicapped mother..." COMMON APP ESSAY [10]

Korean, I see? ;)

I liked it in that it's beautifully written up until the last paragraph. You're right, it's abrupt. Remember that this topic is talking about not just the person who has influenced you, but that influence itself. I think you can extend that conversation to how it has changed you, being a bit more concrete about the influence.