Undergraduate / A Cheerleader - a snobby girl who is usually self-centered and typically not intelligent - UF [4]

once again im back=]]
please tell me if this even makes sense to the topic. and if i should get rid of any of the paragraphs. THANK YOU AGAIN!

this is my UF essay i feel that it is an extremely baby formatted essay ? do you feel the same way?
p.s i got in UCF thank you for all your help!

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

A Cheerleader - known as a snobby girl who is usually self-centered and typically not intelligent.

As a cheerleader I can defend the overuse cliché of what being a cheerleader really is. A cheerleader is someone who is determined to succeed, someone who is school spirited, and someone who is underestimated in almost anything they do.

Cheerleading is the sport I love and the sport that has driven me to be successful in life. I have proven the expectations of many wrong. I am currently the Vice President of Student council to one of the best comprehensive high schools in Florida, I have lead over 250 teenage volunteers to helping find a cure for breast cancer, and I am ranked in the 20th percentile of my senior class, and I am a cheerleader!

Over the past eight years I have spent 5 days a week in a gym that most would consider a "joke". However, the constant reprimands and high expectations from coaches and team members has taught me how deal with failure. My coaches have made it clear to me that if one is determined, one will succeed. These last eight years have all been pivotal moments in my life and have helped me mature greatly.

My will to succeed was tested in my junior year. During a practice I landed wrong and ended up in the hospital with a torn ACL. The morning of my surgery a lady in a Dr. Seuss nurse scrub came to my bed and introduced herself as an anesthesiologist. This in reality meant nothing to me. She began asking me questions such as what I was allergic to and if I had ever had surgery before. I soon became fascinated. I began asking her questions instead of answering the ones she was asking me. I learned that being an anesthesiologist was someone who anesthetizes a person prior to surgery, in order to reduce the pain. From the moment this woman began to talk I felt a sense of passion of what I soon wanted to become.

After 6 months of daily physical therapy and after proving to myself and to my team members that I had more strength than I did prior to my injury, I brought more unity to our team. Our perseverance pushed us to become the best we could be as a whole. This sense of friendship lead us to be ranked 8th in the nation. Growing up as a cheerleader I know I can accomplish anything I aspire to do; the scars on my knee are constant reminders of my determination to succeed, determination that can only contribute to my future and to the University Of Florida.

A Cheerleader- one who never gives up no matter how near or far the end may seem, one who is not afraid, and one who pursues what they believe in, the one who will succeed.

Undergraduate / Breast cancer walks and research - vires, mortes essay [NEW]

hi gloria you helped me a lot with my other UCF admission essay i was wondering if you could help me with my FSU one.

"Florida State's guiding words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" which in Latin mean "Strength, Intellect, and Character" are all words other people and myself would use to describe me. The one that I can relate to best would have to be "Vires." Sometimes strength is found from falling down and building yourself back up. On September 12, 2006 I fell down, but I never wanted to get back up. This was the day my godmother died, and also the very day she was diagnosed with breast cancer, stage 4. Throughout the 5 years she battled breast cancer she never once complained. She was the women that walked down the street with a shinny bald head but had a smile on her face. On the day the doctor told her she had 6 months to live, she laughed because she knew she was stronger than that. The strength she has given is unexplainable. After watching years of her suffer but not hearing a single complaint I now know the true meaning of the Latin word "Vires." She has given me moral, physical, and intellectual strength that one cannot describe.

After attending numerous breast cancer walks with her I wanted to reach out to the community and spread that same strength she had given me to others still fighting. I called the Susan G. Koman research center and asked how I could help in the upcoming Breast Cancer walk. They asked me if I was interested in being the leader for all Dade County teenagers involved in the "I AM THE CURE" program. This was a program designed to reach out to the community and let it be known that early detection is the key to survival. That included putting up flyers around the community, and handing out pamphlets at the upcoming Susan G.Koman walk. At first I was hesitant I was not sure how I could possibly find time considering I had cheerleading practice, student council, and my academics to stay on top of. The next week I thought long and hard about whether I could handle it, I decided that if I stayed focused and organized I could defiantly find time. After 3 weeks of going around to local schools, restaurants, and businesses I found 250 teenage volunteers willing to help out in the race.

The morning of the race we all arrived at Bay Side Park at 5am, wearing bright green shirts that said "I AM THE CURE" on the front, and on the back were the words "Every Person, Every Where." This was to state that breast cancer has no boundaries, be it age, gender, socioeconomic status or geographic location. Everyone is at risk. When the race began we handed out over 15,000 pamphlets, key chains, and t-shirts all stating the simple steps to early detection. During the survival ceremony I could not help but smile knowing that I had saved at least one person's life earlier that day. When the survivors began to walk I saw in every single woman's eyes that same strength Illiana O'Connor, my godmother, had up until her last day. It was that strength that got me out of bed that morning determined to make a difference."

Undergraduate / UCF quality to better the campus - admission essay [2]

yes i know im a horrible writer. i read this and it sounds like a 5 year old wrote it. PLEASE HELP ME! revise it entirely or maybe i should just start over? im not sure if this is even anywhere near right. i just figured its something most people wont write about.

TOPIC: What qualities or characteristics do you posses that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community.

Many people tell me I have an amazing personality, a smile of oars, and spunk in me that is unexplainable. In my eyes anyone can show these qualities as a false image. Qualities are something that makes you who you are.

Going to a High School in a high income neighborhood was never very easy for me. Day to day I felt that I had to show a certain image and act a certain way to be well liked. Materialism in my eyes is a huge problem in society today. It makes people think that having the best cars, the newest fashion of clothing, and the most expensive jewelry makes them a better person. I did not find this out until I entered the first day of high school. From that day on I decided to change that image, I started a club at school called stirring it up. Where kids from all different types of nationality would join together and socialize about religion, their family, and interest. I believe I have showed these people that beauty comes from within.

I consider my greatest quality that I could contribute to the UCF campus will be my determination to make society a better place. I have a desire to change the way people look at life and their future, to encourage focusing on education rather then materialism. I hope to encourage people to look at someone from the inside out, and not by their appearance or nationality. UCF's very diverse campus has also led me to believe I can change the stereotypical image of certain cultures. With my determination and courage I know I can better the UCF community.

Undergraduate / "Before he cheats essay - obstacle essay [2]

Hi i know i am a horrible essay writer so i need some help PLEASE!
i took out the peoples names in the essay and replaced it with a ____

PLEASE REVISE and tell me anything i need to change, or if i should just start over

TOPIC: If there has been some obstacle in the road in your personal life, please explain the circumstances

People say after hard times you learn and you mature from it, times in life wont always be picture perfect. I've learned this first hand.

Ill never forget sitting in the back seat of my friend's mother's car with my best friend screaming the words to "Before he cheats" on the radio. It was a picture perfect scene, until I got a phone call that would forever change our lives. [..]