jncr
Nov 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "My world is a spacecraft" - Describe the world you come from... [2]
This is my first draft for my UC Personal statement Prompt 1
I would greatly appreciate if anyone would give feedback. I'm thinking of writing a new one, because I'm not sure if this is exactly what they want.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
The world I come from is not a planet at all. My world is a spacecraft. Traveling through the expanse of existence, I have never completely fit in with the other planets. Instead, I have grown up living life on my own and how I wished.
Like all matter, spacecraft are affected by gravity. They are pulled toward everything, and they are greatly affected by the planets they pass near. Since I was born, I have led a spacecraft-like existence. I have always been different than the planets I pass, yet at the same time, I acquire attributes from all of the planets that surround me.
Since I moved to the very affluent "bubble" called La Canada Flintridge, I have always been detached from my peers. The entirety of La Canada is composed of high class families and rich senior citizens. My family, comprised of my Father, Grandmother, and Brother, is a part of the middle class. Although I do not label my situation as unfortunate, I have always been different than my friends. Visiting their houses has shown me contrast. Not only do they have everything that they could possibly wish for without having to work, they have intact, orderly families. I have been able to fit in by being a part of both the opulent society and the commoners.
As I drifted into high school, I was influenced by the gravity of all of my peers. I never quite fit into a single group entirely. Instead, living as a separate entity, the only bond I had with my friends was through their gravity. I was attracted to many different groups, never being a complete part of any of them, but moved by all of them.
In high school, I have always been a water polo player and a swimmer. This year, however, I have had to give up water polo in order to further pursue swimming. I have always had friends in the water polo and swimming groups, although I never felt completely part of the group. They never outright denied me, but I always lacked the personality found in most of them.
I have always had an interest in science and technology. When I joined the engineering team, I began to make friends that were interested in technology as well. I found people to program, solve problems, and play video games with. Although I love being a part of the team, I have never felt completely in tune with them.
For the past couple of years, I have had an interest in Japanese culture. I have also taught myself some Japanese with the use of a text book. Although I have not found many friends who share my interest, the few I have are very different than me.
The one quality that differentiates my spacecraft-like existence from a planet-like existence is my desire to make my own choices. A spacecraft is not simply guided by the gravity it is affected by, rather, it can follow its own path. It is not a wandering planet, forced to follow the flow of all the other planets and stars. I strive to make decisions not only based on my surroundings but with my will.
I am grateful for my spacecraft existence. Being detached from everything, while being a part of everything, has enabled me to question my life. Detachment is necessary for analysis. I live through my life as an observer, viewing and thinking about everything. I hope to use the detachment I have experienced to permit me to be critical of my surroundings in the future. I hope to live a life that I can control, flying in proximity to other planets, while never being completely controlled by their gravity.
This is my first draft for my UC Personal statement Prompt 1
I would greatly appreciate if anyone would give feedback. I'm thinking of writing a new one, because I'm not sure if this is exactly what they want.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
The world I come from is not a planet at all. My world is a spacecraft. Traveling through the expanse of existence, I have never completely fit in with the other planets. Instead, I have grown up living life on my own and how I wished.
Like all matter, spacecraft are affected by gravity. They are pulled toward everything, and they are greatly affected by the planets they pass near. Since I was born, I have led a spacecraft-like existence. I have always been different than the planets I pass, yet at the same time, I acquire attributes from all of the planets that surround me.
Since I moved to the very affluent "bubble" called La Canada Flintridge, I have always been detached from my peers. The entirety of La Canada is composed of high class families and rich senior citizens. My family, comprised of my Father, Grandmother, and Brother, is a part of the middle class. Although I do not label my situation as unfortunate, I have always been different than my friends. Visiting their houses has shown me contrast. Not only do they have everything that they could possibly wish for without having to work, they have intact, orderly families. I have been able to fit in by being a part of both the opulent society and the commoners.
As I drifted into high school, I was influenced by the gravity of all of my peers. I never quite fit into a single group entirely. Instead, living as a separate entity, the only bond I had with my friends was through their gravity. I was attracted to many different groups, never being a complete part of any of them, but moved by all of them.
In high school, I have always been a water polo player and a swimmer. This year, however, I have had to give up water polo in order to further pursue swimming. I have always had friends in the water polo and swimming groups, although I never felt completely part of the group. They never outright denied me, but I always lacked the personality found in most of them.
I have always had an interest in science and technology. When I joined the engineering team, I began to make friends that were interested in technology as well. I found people to program, solve problems, and play video games with. Although I love being a part of the team, I have never felt completely in tune with them.
For the past couple of years, I have had an interest in Japanese culture. I have also taught myself some Japanese with the use of a text book. Although I have not found many friends who share my interest, the few I have are very different than me.
The one quality that differentiates my spacecraft-like existence from a planet-like existence is my desire to make my own choices. A spacecraft is not simply guided by the gravity it is affected by, rather, it can follow its own path. It is not a wandering planet, forced to follow the flow of all the other planets and stars. I strive to make decisions not only based on my surroundings but with my will.
I am grateful for my spacecraft existence. Being detached from everything, while being a part of everything, has enabled me to question my life. Detachment is necessary for analysis. I live through my life as an observer, viewing and thinking about everything. I hope to use the detachment I have experienced to permit me to be critical of my surroundings in the future. I hope to live a life that I can control, flying in proximity to other planets, while never being completely controlled by their gravity.