tomotomo
Mar 8, 2009
Book Reports / Thesis for Hunters in the Snow [6]
What was the most interesting thing in the book? Try to make a thesis out of that.
What was the most interesting thing in the book? Try to make a thesis out of that.
tomotomo
Sep 30, 2008
Writing Feedback / Choices that define us and Haunt Us Essay [2]
Just a quick edit is appreciated, since I've got to hand this in about 12 hours. :)
I have to write about the choices that define my life and how I regret them.
If the choices I make define my life, then I would say the main choice that defines my life today is my choice of pursuing a career as a computer programmer. Interestingly enough, the choice, I've found, defines my life in mostly two ways. The first way the choice defines my life is as a student. As a student, attaining around an eighty average or higher in my high school courses is necessary in order for me to have a reasonable chance of being accepted into a Computer Science program. Afterwards, the next necessary step is finishing the Computer Science program because the degree granted after finishing it is required for most programming jobs. The second way the choice is defining my life is for me to have to spend about ten hours or more a week improving my programming skills in order to at least become a competent programmer. Although it sounds like boring or hard work, it's work I love doing, and, as a result, it defines a big part of what makes me happy in life. All in all, those are the two ways my choice of pursuing a career as a computer programmer is defining my life.
In his essay "Haunted by lives unlived", Helwig wrote, "At every point where a choice is made, another choice is not." In my life, the choice I didn't make when I chose to pursue a career as a computer programmer was choosing not to continue pursuing a career as a professional poker player. What I mostly recall doing during the time when I was pursuing a career as professional poker player is spending many nights pass midnight-sometimes until morning-playing online poker and whenever I could in my spare time, reading as many poker books, online poker forums, and articles on poker in order to improve my poker skills. However, after about a year of doing that, in terms of money, I was mostly break even. I wish I could say I was like my friend who made fifty thousand American dollars after playing for two months, but I didn't, so I quit, because I wasn't making any progress, and it didn't seem like I would in the future.
Sometimes when I hear the message never give up, I wonder if I shouldn't have stopped my pursuit of becoming a professional poker player. When I hear that message, I wonder what if. What if I had not stopped playing poker? What if I had tried harder and longer? What if I wasn't so stupid? What if I had quit right before the big spurt of progress? After all, it's not unheard of for even the best poker players to have an unbelievable bad run of luck. And what if I had continued playing? By now, I might have become a professional poker player. Instead, now, I simply have an unfulfilled dream, an unfulfilled dream that makes me feel sad and angry. The sadness and anger, however, dissipate. I realize I can't change what already has been done. There's no point.
Besides, I have a pretty good life now. So does it matter if I didn't become a professional poker player? In the end, focusing on the present, learning mistakes from the past, and looking towards the future is what's most important, rather then feeling sorry for oneself."
Depending on the formality requirements of the essay, you should consider revising the contractions and removing them. If this is a very formal essay, remove them and instead use the full words. If not, you might be OK.
Just a quick edit is appreciated, since I've got to hand this in about 12 hours. :)
I have to write about the choices that define my life and how I regret them.
If the choices I make define my life, then I would say the main choice that defines my life today is my choice of pursuing a career as a computer programmer. Interestingly enough, the choice, I've found, defines my life in mostly two ways. The first way the choice defines my life is as a student. As a student, attaining around an eighty average or higher in my high school courses is necessary in order for me to have a reasonable chance of being accepted into a Computer Science program. Afterwards, the next necessary step is finishing the Computer Science program because the degree granted after finishing it is required for most programming jobs. The second way the choice is defining my life is for me to have to spend about ten hours or more a week improving my programming skills in order to at least become a competent programmer. Although it sounds like boring or hard work, it's work I love doing, and, as a result, it defines a big part of what makes me happy in life. All in all, those are the two ways my choice of pursuing a career as a computer programmer is defining my life.
In his essay "Haunted by lives unlived", Helwig wrote, "At every point where a choice is made, another choice is not." In my life, the choice I didn't make when I chose to pursue a career as a computer programmer was choosing not to continue pursuing a career as a professional poker player. What I mostly recall doing during the time when I was pursuing a career as professional poker player is spending many nights pass midnight-sometimes until morning-playing online poker and whenever I could in my spare time, reading as many poker books, online poker forums, and articles on poker in order to improve my poker skills. However, after about a year of doing that, in terms of money, I was mostly break even. I wish I could say I was like my friend who made fifty thousand American dollars after playing for two months, but I didn't, so I quit, because I wasn't making any progress, and it didn't seem like I would in the future.
Sometimes when I hear the message never give up, I wonder if I shouldn't have stopped my pursuit of becoming a professional poker player. When I hear that message, I wonder what if. What if I had not stopped playing poker? What if I had tried harder and longer? What if I wasn't so stupid? What if I had quit right before the big spurt of progress? After all, it's not unheard of for even the best poker players to have an unbelievable bad run of luck. And what if I had continued playing? By now, I might have become a professional poker player. Instead, now, I simply have an unfulfilled dream, an unfulfilled dream that makes me feel sad and angry. The sadness and anger, however, dissipate. I realize I can't change what already has been done. There's no point.
Besides, I have a pretty good life now. So does it matter if I didn't become a professional poker player? In the end, focusing on the present, learning mistakes from the past, and looking towards the future is what's most important, rather then feeling sorry for oneself."
Depending on the formality requirements of the essay, you should consider revising the contractions and removing them. If this is a very formal essay, remove them and instead use the full words. If not, you might be OK.
tomotomo
Aug 11, 2008
tomotomo
Aug 9, 2008
Writing Feedback / Paragraph about School and Writing [4]
I should have mentioned that earlier :p.My topic is two paragraphs about why students write poorly and what they can do about it. I've only written the first paragraph.
I should have mentioned that earlier :p.My topic is two paragraphs about why students write poorly and what they can do about it. I've only written the first paragraph.
tomotomo
Aug 9, 2008
Writing Feedback / Paragraph about School and Writing [4]
Just practicing my writing skills by writing one paragraph, hope that's okay :P. Any tips, comments, or suggestions?
Shock and denial is what most students experience when their writing assignments are marked and handed back with a low grade. They usually receive a low grade because of a simple reason, they write poorly. Most would assume that their low grades are caused by their own lack of responsibility such as not paying attention in class or not doing homework. However, they would assume wrong. Schools are the one to blame, or to be more specific, the people who planned the schools' English curriculum. Like a driving teacher who doesn't teach his students anything and expects his students to be able to pass their driving tests, in the curriculum, students are not taught how to write well while being expected to do well on writing tests and assignments. Since schools don't teach students how to write well, what students could do then is to teach themselves how to write well because writing well is an important skill.
Just practicing my writing skills by writing one paragraph, hope that's okay :P. Any tips, comments, or suggestions?
Shock and denial is what most students experience when their writing assignments are marked and handed back with a low grade. They usually receive a low grade because of a simple reason, they write poorly. Most would assume that their low grades are caused by their own lack of responsibility such as not paying attention in class or not doing homework. However, they would assume wrong. Schools are the one to blame, or to be more specific, the people who planned the schools' English curriculum. Like a driving teacher who doesn't teach his students anything and expects his students to be able to pass their driving tests, in the curriculum, students are not taught how to write well while being expected to do well on writing tests and assignments. Since schools don't teach students how to write well, what students could do then is to teach themselves how to write well because writing well is an important skill.
tomotomo
Aug 2, 2008
tomotomo
Jul 31, 2008
Writing Feedback / Essay about School Breaks [NEW]
Hey. Could you guys critique my writing? Be as nasty as you can, ok :p ?
I'd also like your opinion on something. To improve my writing, would working on editing this essay be better, or should I write something new, perhaps another essay, in order to work on writing well the first time around? I sort of feel working on another essay would be better, because I'm kind of bored of working on this one.
Should schools countinue to give students two months break every year or should school divide the two months throughout the year?
Every year many students look forward to the day when the two months holiday from school starts. For some students, the two months break from school is a period of happiness, and a well deserved reprieve from school. For some students, the two months break from school is a period of boredom, as they have an abundance of free time, and are perplexed at what to do with it. These situations prompt the question, is giving students two months break from school every year a good idea? The answer is no, because there is a better option, the option of having two months break interspaced throughout the year instead of consecutively. Giving two months break from school interspaced throughout the year in comparison with giving it consecutively would allow students to have more time to spend on homework and other activities, allow students to be more relaxed and recharged for school, and allow students to retain more of their learning.
Making school year round would give many benefits to students. Assuming there is no increase in workload from the ten months school schedule to the year round schedule, this would allow students in the year round schedule to have more free time by having four days of school per a week instead of the five days of school per week in the ten months schedule. Having more free time during the school year allows students to have more time to spend on homework, studying, and working on projects, which results in less stress. As well, having one day less of school per week than the ten month school schedule in the year round schedule allows students to spend more time on other activities without negatively affecting their school performance. However, giving more time to students is only beneficial if students are using that time on productive activities. It is then recommended that before students have their three day weekends, schools should encourage their students to use the extra time they will have per week on productive activities. Only until most students are engaging in productive activities, the benefits of giving extra time to students per week can be realized. All in all, these are some of the benefits that could be reaped if school was made year round.
There are additional benefits to the ones described previously for students having school year round rather than having school for ten months. In the ten month schedule, there is less utilization per break to be relaxed and recharged for school than in the year round schedule. This is because the two months break in the ten months schedule is given consecutively. When a break is given consecutively the value of each successive break decreases, because there is gradually a point when you're fully relaxed and ready to attend school again, and as a result, any further break gives little to none additional value in relaxation and reenergization for school. This is avoided in the year round schedule. The three days of consecutive break given in the year round schedule is used almost to its full potential, because the break given is about the optimal time needed one needs to be recharged and ready for school again. Another effect avoided in the year round schedule, but not the ten months schedule, is the side effect of students forgetting parts of what they have learned. In the two months consecutive break, most students' knowledge and learning weakens due to lack of use. When those students return to school, teachers have to review and refresh those students' knowledge on previous topics, which wastes time that could be used for other learning. All in all, students would be able to learn more and become more productive if school was year round.
Hey. Could you guys critique my writing? Be as nasty as you can, ok :p ?
I'd also like your opinion on something. To improve my writing, would working on editing this essay be better, or should I write something new, perhaps another essay, in order to work on writing well the first time around? I sort of feel working on another essay would be better, because I'm kind of bored of working on this one.
Should schools countinue to give students two months break every year or should school divide the two months throughout the year?
Every year many students look forward to the day when the two months holiday from school starts. For some students, the two months break from school is a period of happiness, and a well deserved reprieve from school. For some students, the two months break from school is a period of boredom, as they have an abundance of free time, and are perplexed at what to do with it. These situations prompt the question, is giving students two months break from school every year a good idea? The answer is no, because there is a better option, the option of having two months break interspaced throughout the year instead of consecutively. Giving two months break from school interspaced throughout the year in comparison with giving it consecutively would allow students to have more time to spend on homework and other activities, allow students to be more relaxed and recharged for school, and allow students to retain more of their learning.
Making school year round would give many benefits to students. Assuming there is no increase in workload from the ten months school schedule to the year round schedule, this would allow students in the year round schedule to have more free time by having four days of school per a week instead of the five days of school per week in the ten months schedule. Having more free time during the school year allows students to have more time to spend on homework, studying, and working on projects, which results in less stress. As well, having one day less of school per week than the ten month school schedule in the year round schedule allows students to spend more time on other activities without negatively affecting their school performance. However, giving more time to students is only beneficial if students are using that time on productive activities. It is then recommended that before students have their three day weekends, schools should encourage their students to use the extra time they will have per week on productive activities. Only until most students are engaging in productive activities, the benefits of giving extra time to students per week can be realized. All in all, these are some of the benefits that could be reaped if school was made year round.
There are additional benefits to the ones described previously for students having school year round rather than having school for ten months. In the ten month schedule, there is less utilization per break to be relaxed and recharged for school than in the year round schedule. This is because the two months break in the ten months schedule is given consecutively. When a break is given consecutively the value of each successive break decreases, because there is gradually a point when you're fully relaxed and ready to attend school again, and as a result, any further break gives little to none additional value in relaxation and reenergization for school. This is avoided in the year round schedule. The three days of consecutive break given in the year round schedule is used almost to its full potential, because the break given is about the optimal time needed one needs to be recharged and ready for school again. Another effect avoided in the year round schedule, but not the ten months schedule, is the side effect of students forgetting parts of what they have learned. In the two months consecutive break, most students' knowledge and learning weakens due to lack of use. When those students return to school, teachers have to review and refresh those students' knowledge on previous topics, which wastes time that could be used for other learning. All in all, students would be able to learn more and become more productive if school was year round.
tomotomo
Jul 31, 2008
Grammar, Usage / Proper comma usage in English language [8]
Help with Comma Usage
I like dogs, and if you like dogs, I like you too.
I like dogs, and, if you like dogs, I like you too.
Which one's correct ?
Help with Comma Usage
I like dogs, and if you like dogs, I like you too.
I like dogs, and, if you like dogs, I like you too.
Which one's correct ?