sushi123
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "the first match I competed in" - personal quality, talent, experience [3]
I think this essay is very comprehensible and addresses both your physical and emotional strengths through it. Here are some advices:
- First two paragraphs both begins with "It was". I don't know if it's on purpose...
- Your conclusion is not really strong. Don't write "If I am accepted into your college"
- "...it has positively shaped me into becoming the champion wrestler and person Iwasam.
- There are several grammatical mistakes.
If you read it over, I think you'll find a lot of things :) Good luck!
I think this essay is very comprehensible and addresses both your physical and emotional strengths through it. Here are some advices:
- First two paragraphs both begins with "It was". I don't know if it's on purpose...
- Your conclusion is not really strong. Don't write "If I am accepted into your college"
- "...it has positively shaped me into becoming the champion wrestler and person I
- There are several grammatical mistakes.
If you read it over, I think you'll find a lot of things :) Good luck!