gaga046
Nov 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Where do i belong - UC essay prompt; Crippled Life [2]
hi, i REALLY need help for correcting my grammar errors, and i hope to have some feedbacks and advices. thank you for all your time and work, i appreciate. thank you so much!
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Where I do belong
Sometimes I get lost in my identity. I emigrated to the U.S. from China in 2007 before Christmas, and I started a new chapter in my life as a freshman in high school. Before I moved to Irvine, California, I lived in a suburban town near city Guangzhou in China. China is a competitive country due to its over excessive population; therefore. I have to work hard to get into a good school. I do not think I am a gifted person, and I am the only child in my family, so I can only get help on my homework from my parents or friends since I do not have any siblings to rely on. I got good grades from my hard working in elementary and middle schools, and I spontaneously started to tag myself as "good student". However, after I moved to the U.S., I do not get the grades I expected in high school, and I start to lose my identity. I become perplexed of my life especially when I am applying colleges but I do not know what major I am looking for. So I turn to my parents for helps. My parents have been pretty lenient on my study because they trust that I have good self-control for the distractions, and I have not disappointed them yet. Their knowledge and experience have helped my academic life a lot. Both my parents graduated from universities in China, and they have plenty of life experiences due to their jobs in the financial field. My parents always took me to their social activities to know more about the world, and I seem to be more mature, and reasonable among friends with those social experiences. I am introduced to the financial world when I was little; my parents watch, listen, read, and talk about the economic news or stock market at home all the time. When I was discussing with my parents of my college plan, my parents helped me to find out that math is my best strength but English is my worst. Since I am imperceptibly influenced by my parents with their occupations, I am more interested in the economic and business field than other majors. I know my current English level is not capable for me to success in college, but I will carve on my dream once I find my identity. As being the first generation of Chinese American, I will adopt my traditional hard-working attitude to defeat every obstacle in my life.
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Crippled Life
Life has never been a perfect circle, and nobody is perfect. However, I did not learn this principle until I actually faced struggle. I was the top student, a role model in China, so I faced unprecedented frustrations and disappointments when I moved to the United States three years ago. Even though I tried to keep the perfect record of my academic history, I still found it was difficult to success. Luckily, now I realized that it is okay to be original, to be the true person who I am, a responsible, willing-to-learn and courageous young lady.
Back in China, I used to be one of the top students. I did not face a lot of troubles, and I was the happiest person in the world. After I moved to the U.S., I tried my best to get good grades in high school. It was hard to keep up with the native students, but I still got "A"s in all my high school classes for three years when I was in ELD program. I did not truly realize the cruelty of reality until I attended the writing course in Irvine Valley College last summer to earn English credit for college preparation requirements. The course started nearly at the same time as the final week in high school. Therefore, after I finished eight-hours of high school during day time, I still needed to sit for four hours at night for the writing course. I found that the course was too overwhelming. I felt foolish when I barely understand the teacher's lecture, and all the others seemed to be professional in writing expect me. It was a torture for me to go to the class because I felt so helpless and stupid. In every class, I wished time could fly faster that I could just go home and finish all the homework for this course and for high school. With this intense schedule, I could barely open my eyes in the morning nor squeeze a smile since then. On the third night when my parents picked me up from IVC, I was jaded and could not hold my tears because of all the frustrations and pressures press upon me that I thought I was out of breathe for a minute.
My mom was very concerned and discussed my problems with me. She comforted me: "it is okay to be imperfect. You need to give yourself some time; do not try to overwhelm yourself." She continued, "Life is always defective. You've to face the difficulties and frustrations at one point on your way forward. Otherwise there will be no progress and life will be too boring." After a restless night of careful consideration, I decided to drop the course. I should set a reachable goal for myself but not for the reason to please others. I need to take the responsibility for myself. I need to pick up my lost confidence, stand back up, and be ready for any difficulties ahead of my road.
I understand that life is not a perfect circle, but flaw is what makes life beautiful. Being perfect is no longer a goal of my life. Instead, my destiny is to learn to live with optimistic and appreciating attitude. To do so, I will turn the frustration into motivation which will push me walking toward my goal on my own pace because it is me who create my future, not others.
hi, i REALLY need help for correcting my grammar errors, and i hope to have some feedbacks and advices. thank you for all your time and work, i appreciate. thank you so much!
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Where I do belong
Sometimes I get lost in my identity. I emigrated to the U.S. from China in 2007 before Christmas, and I started a new chapter in my life as a freshman in high school. Before I moved to Irvine, California, I lived in a suburban town near city Guangzhou in China. China is a competitive country due to its over excessive population; therefore. I have to work hard to get into a good school. I do not think I am a gifted person, and I am the only child in my family, so I can only get help on my homework from my parents or friends since I do not have any siblings to rely on. I got good grades from my hard working in elementary and middle schools, and I spontaneously started to tag myself as "good student". However, after I moved to the U.S., I do not get the grades I expected in high school, and I start to lose my identity. I become perplexed of my life especially when I am applying colleges but I do not know what major I am looking for. So I turn to my parents for helps. My parents have been pretty lenient on my study because they trust that I have good self-control for the distractions, and I have not disappointed them yet. Their knowledge and experience have helped my academic life a lot. Both my parents graduated from universities in China, and they have plenty of life experiences due to their jobs in the financial field. My parents always took me to their social activities to know more about the world, and I seem to be more mature, and reasonable among friends with those social experiences. I am introduced to the financial world when I was little; my parents watch, listen, read, and talk about the economic news or stock market at home all the time. When I was discussing with my parents of my college plan, my parents helped me to find out that math is my best strength but English is my worst. Since I am imperceptibly influenced by my parents with their occupations, I am more interested in the economic and business field than other majors. I know my current English level is not capable for me to success in college, but I will carve on my dream once I find my identity. As being the first generation of Chinese American, I will adopt my traditional hard-working attitude to defeat every obstacle in my life.
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Crippled Life
Life has never been a perfect circle, and nobody is perfect. However, I did not learn this principle until I actually faced struggle. I was the top student, a role model in China, so I faced unprecedented frustrations and disappointments when I moved to the United States three years ago. Even though I tried to keep the perfect record of my academic history, I still found it was difficult to success. Luckily, now I realized that it is okay to be original, to be the true person who I am, a responsible, willing-to-learn and courageous young lady.
Back in China, I used to be one of the top students. I did not face a lot of troubles, and I was the happiest person in the world. After I moved to the U.S., I tried my best to get good grades in high school. It was hard to keep up with the native students, but I still got "A"s in all my high school classes for three years when I was in ELD program. I did not truly realize the cruelty of reality until I attended the writing course in Irvine Valley College last summer to earn English credit for college preparation requirements. The course started nearly at the same time as the final week in high school. Therefore, after I finished eight-hours of high school during day time, I still needed to sit for four hours at night for the writing course. I found that the course was too overwhelming. I felt foolish when I barely understand the teacher's lecture, and all the others seemed to be professional in writing expect me. It was a torture for me to go to the class because I felt so helpless and stupid. In every class, I wished time could fly faster that I could just go home and finish all the homework for this course and for high school. With this intense schedule, I could barely open my eyes in the morning nor squeeze a smile since then. On the third night when my parents picked me up from IVC, I was jaded and could not hold my tears because of all the frustrations and pressures press upon me that I thought I was out of breathe for a minute.
My mom was very concerned and discussed my problems with me. She comforted me: "it is okay to be imperfect. You need to give yourself some time; do not try to overwhelm yourself." She continued, "Life is always defective. You've to face the difficulties and frustrations at one point on your way forward. Otherwise there will be no progress and life will be too boring." After a restless night of careful consideration, I decided to drop the course. I should set a reachable goal for myself but not for the reason to please others. I need to take the responsibility for myself. I need to pick up my lost confidence, stand back up, and be ready for any difficulties ahead of my road.
I understand that life is not a perfect circle, but flaw is what makes life beautiful. Being perfect is no longer a goal of my life. Instead, my destiny is to learn to live with optimistic and appreciating attitude. To do so, I will turn the frustration into motivation which will push me walking toward my goal on my own pace because it is me who create my future, not others.
