KaranK
Dec 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "a place where I can grow" - Boston University, what to accomplish? [8]
Ohhh i see, thank you very much for the advice =D
Ohhh i see, thank you very much for the advice =D
KaranK
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "Life is hard. Get used to it." BOSTON SUPPLEMENT, what you hope to accomplish [2]
---Try not to use profanity because sometimes it demeans the writing..(Up to you..Personal Choice)
---Try to avoid using phrases like "trust me" "believe me" because it makes it sound as if your unreliable or trying to like force the thought into their head..your writing should be invoking enough that the reader understands your point.
---Don't use quotes bluntly and then just tell them what you are trying to say.. Good writing "SHOWS" doesn't "TELL" Like an experience or virtue or belief you carry, what empowers you..don't just tell them...sorry if I'm a little harsh..
---You have many awkward sentences, grammatical errors, vague at points, not clear to the point of what you want to say.. However your essay is decent but the intro could use a touch up and rearrange the quotes to make it a little more exciting to jump into the reading... HOpe that Helps..Best of Luck!
---Try not to use profanity because sometimes it demeans the writing..(Up to you..Personal Choice)
---Try to avoid using phrases like "trust me" "believe me" because it makes it sound as if your unreliable or trying to like force the thought into their head..your writing should be invoking enough that the reader understands your point.
---Don't use quotes bluntly and then just tell them what you are trying to say.. Good writing "SHOWS" doesn't "TELL" Like an experience or virtue or belief you carry, what empowers you..don't just tell them...sorry if I'm a little harsh..
---You have many awkward sentences, grammatical errors, vague at points, not clear to the point of what you want to say.. However your essay is decent but the intro could use a touch up and rearrange the quotes to make it a little more exciting to jump into the reading... HOpe that Helps..Best of Luck!
KaranK
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "a place where I can grow" - Boston University, what to accomplish? [8]
Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
---Please critique my essay...don't mind if its harsh..wrote in like 25min
As an undergraduate freshman, my biggest zeal is to have an unforgettable college experience. I choose Boston University as one of my dream destinations because life not only inside, but outside the university holds new experiences and challenges that will certainly captivate me. Inside the university, I can become a part of a community of people that all exhibit exceptional scholar and personality. Boston University is a place where I can grow, learn and define myself through interactions with the people and opportunities that surround me. The friends I make and the bonds that develop will last a lifetime because those are the essential sentiments and values of life that can never be forgotten. But, why stop there; outside the university is a magnificent city waiting for me to explore. The culture from the east to the west is sure to change, and I want to explore every side of it. I feel that a change in environment would best benefit me because of my personality. I am the type of person that likes to stretch my legs and arms a little here and a little there; I like to get a taste of the whole lot because it is new and exciting. I believe becoming a part of this cohesive community and atmosphere will help me to accomplish my own personal and educational goals. From wherever I stand, Boston University seems to be the whole package: a great education, a wonderful environment to grow and make friends, and overall a place where I just feel right.
Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
---Please critique my essay...don't mind if its harsh..wrote in like 25min
As an undergraduate freshman, my biggest zeal is to have an unforgettable college experience. I choose Boston University as one of my dream destinations because life not only inside, but outside the university holds new experiences and challenges that will certainly captivate me. Inside the university, I can become a part of a community of people that all exhibit exceptional scholar and personality. Boston University is a place where I can grow, learn and define myself through interactions with the people and opportunities that surround me. The friends I make and the bonds that develop will last a lifetime because those are the essential sentiments and values of life that can never be forgotten. But, why stop there; outside the university is a magnificent city waiting for me to explore. The culture from the east to the west is sure to change, and I want to explore every side of it. I feel that a change in environment would best benefit me because of my personality. I am the type of person that likes to stretch my legs and arms a little here and a little there; I like to get a taste of the whole lot because it is new and exciting. I believe becoming a part of this cohesive community and atmosphere will help me to accomplish my own personal and educational goals. From wherever I stand, Boston University seems to be the whole package: a great education, a wonderful environment to grow and make friends, and overall a place where I just feel right.
