caf68
Jan 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Inventive essay about shopping malls. [3]
I would love feedback on my essay. I have not been in school for 23 years, and writing an essay is a little difficult. Thank for any advice, here is my essay:
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" In much the same way that Tolstoy begins Anna Karenina, so too can the shopping malls of America be described. Imagine a concrete maze with hundreds of rats each scurrying around searching for their own piece of cheese.
The middle-aged woman, searching for just the perfect pair of shoes to go with her dress, tries on dozens of pairs, exhausting the poor sales clerk. Thinking, perhaps, that there has to be a better job than this one, he nevertheless continues to smile while traipsing to the stockroom for yet another pair of high heeled shoes in a deeper shade of rose.
Walking out of one of the larger shops, a man is carrying a twisting and crying girl of about 3 years old in his arms. Her wail carries above the low din of conversations. The latest and newest toy will remain on the shelf, destroying this little girl's only chance at having a happy and fulfilling life. Will she even remember this moment when she tells her own children the worst word to ever fall upon a child's ears? A limp doll in her father's arms, one wonders how a simple object can become the sole focus of such a young life. The man looks around at the passersby, pleading for the siren to stop. "Please, people, just go about your business," his eyes seem to convey. One can almost tell which women have children themselves and have participated in this very ritual. The sly smile coming from each woman gives this away. Are they jealous that this husband shares his wife's duties, or maybe they are just content in knowing that this once, it is not their own offspring that brings such attention?
Nestled between the national chain stores that are found in every mall across the country is a small local operation, specializing in handmade gifts from the area. This is the real America, independent mom-and-pop stores that is the economic backbone of this nation. Looking into the display on the other side of the glass, you have to ponder if anyone who hasn't lived here has ever even heard of this little stone with the funny looking circles.
Why is it that shopping malls have become such an ingrained element in our everyday life? Have we become so far removed from personal introspective, that only mass produced goods can satisfy our intrinsic need to find happiness? Whether it be a full-grown woman, or a toddler girl who has not begin to understand life yet, every person has their own definition of self-fulfillment. Through mass media, we as people have been led to believe that true happiness is found through purchasing power. Millions of people each day experience the same bombardment of images, each sending us like mindless drones to find our own piece of the metaphoric cheese, leading us deeper and deeper into the maze.
I would love feedback on my essay. I have not been in school for 23 years, and writing an essay is a little difficult. Thank for any advice, here is my essay:
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" In much the same way that Tolstoy begins Anna Karenina, so too can the shopping malls of America be described. Imagine a concrete maze with hundreds of rats each scurrying around searching for their own piece of cheese.
The middle-aged woman, searching for just the perfect pair of shoes to go with her dress, tries on dozens of pairs, exhausting the poor sales clerk. Thinking, perhaps, that there has to be a better job than this one, he nevertheless continues to smile while traipsing to the stockroom for yet another pair of high heeled shoes in a deeper shade of rose.
Walking out of one of the larger shops, a man is carrying a twisting and crying girl of about 3 years old in his arms. Her wail carries above the low din of conversations. The latest and newest toy will remain on the shelf, destroying this little girl's only chance at having a happy and fulfilling life. Will she even remember this moment when she tells her own children the worst word to ever fall upon a child's ears? A limp doll in her father's arms, one wonders how a simple object can become the sole focus of such a young life. The man looks around at the passersby, pleading for the siren to stop. "Please, people, just go about your business," his eyes seem to convey. One can almost tell which women have children themselves and have participated in this very ritual. The sly smile coming from each woman gives this away. Are they jealous that this husband shares his wife's duties, or maybe they are just content in knowing that this once, it is not their own offspring that brings such attention?
Nestled between the national chain stores that are found in every mall across the country is a small local operation, specializing in handmade gifts from the area. This is the real America, independent mom-and-pop stores that is the economic backbone of this nation. Looking into the display on the other side of the glass, you have to ponder if anyone who hasn't lived here has ever even heard of this little stone with the funny looking circles.
Why is it that shopping malls have become such an ingrained element in our everyday life? Have we become so far removed from personal introspective, that only mass produced goods can satisfy our intrinsic need to find happiness? Whether it be a full-grown woman, or a toddler girl who has not begin to understand life yet, every person has their own definition of self-fulfillment. Through mass media, we as people have been led to believe that true happiness is found through purchasing power. Millions of people each day experience the same bombardment of images, each sending us like mindless drones to find our own piece of the metaphoric cheese, leading us deeper and deeper into the maze.
