BasicUserAlias
Feb 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / O level: Leadership. Necessiity of nurturing leadership in everyone [3]
Furthermore, as our society progresses, a lot of movements need to be done for the countries' development.
Question: What type of development are you suggesting? Do you have any personal suggestions or proactive solution that may prove helpful in resolving the deficit of such growth?
...If so it might prove helpful to include them in order to be somewhat less vague.
*Furthermore there is a great need for many a significant change to occur in terms of the countries' physiological sociological and economic development*
So, it needs not to be the leader who do all those psychological support.
I can't quite put my finger on it but something doesn't sound right in this sentence... That is in addition to its lack of depth.
*In essence, the Role of a Leader is not to provide a shoulder to lean on/ or even to lend a helping hand or listening ear, so much as it is in the team's best interest to do so as individuals*
Your essay though well written seems to lack certain depth as it lacks some "Personal Experience" and though you stated the "Textbook Definition" of Leadership and "What it means to be a Leader" you failed to paint a picture of what society would look like in the event that the educational system did not in fact so strongly emphasize its' importance.
I'm not a teacher or even a writing expert but I hope I was able to lend some assistance without being too overly-critical after all this is my first post here. Good-luck with the essay though!
Furthermore, as our society progresses, a lot of movements need to be done for the countries' development.
Question: What type of development are you suggesting? Do you have any personal suggestions or proactive solution that may prove helpful in resolving the deficit of such growth?
...If so it might prove helpful to include them in order to be somewhat less vague.
*Furthermore there is a great need for many a significant change to occur in terms of the countries' physiological sociological and economic development*
So, it needs not to be the leader who do all those psychological support.
I can't quite put my finger on it but something doesn't sound right in this sentence... That is in addition to its lack of depth.
*In essence, the Role of a Leader is not to provide a shoulder to lean on/ or even to lend a helping hand or listening ear, so much as it is in the team's best interest to do so as individuals*
Your essay though well written seems to lack certain depth as it lacks some "Personal Experience" and though you stated the "Textbook Definition" of Leadership and "What it means to be a Leader" you failed to paint a picture of what society would look like in the event that the educational system did not in fact so strongly emphasize its' importance.
I'm not a teacher or even a writing expert but I hope I was able to lend some assistance without being too overly-critical after all this is my first post here. Good-luck with the essay though!
