Writing Feedback / People who move out would be more succesful & happier than people living in villages [6]

Hi everyone! I'm preparing for TOEFL. I found this forum very useful for me to interact with other students to improve writing skill. Here I'm sharing my essay. Waiting for your feedback.

People who go outside are more successful and happier than people who live in villages? Do you agree or disagree?
Depending on individual experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people may hold subjective opinion that life in villages can help people happier and more successful due to less competition and social pressure. However, I strongly disagree with such an idea. From my point of view, people go outside are more successful and happier than those who live in villages. Among countless factors which could contribute for people's success and happiness when going outside, broaden relations and more opportunities to develop are the most obvious advantages, which I would like to provide on the following grounds.

To begin with, what I put in priority is that going outside you may stand in golden chance to achieve success and concurrently happiness since you can broaden your horizons and approach many good conditions to develop. To specify, as a proverb says "traveling forms a young man", going outside you can learn a lot of things about the world such as cultures, people, their achievements or how they do something you name it. Accumulating necessary and interesting knowledge you will open your mind. And that is the key to success. Moreover, we are deeply conscious of the fact that variety of opportunities is available in the open world rather than in a restricted village. For instance, a businessman from a village wanted to open his own company. He could find more investments if he goes to a large city. And it is likely his business could efficiently work in large city as there are more demands there.

Another reason for my propensity to go outside is that you can gain more friends and relationships. It is beneficial because you have more chance to interact with people, share with them experience and interests. And once you find true friends you can share emotions, happiness and sorrows or any aspects in life. By this way you life will be happier and has less depression or sadness. In additions, having more relationships you can get more supports from outside. Friends may be willing help you if you have difficulties, assist you if you need aids and they may give good advice for your problems. Hence, within assistance of friends you can greatly promote your success.

All in all, taking into account of all honest aspects I have numerated above, we safely arrive at the conclusion that going outside helps people find more success and happiness. People are in with a chance to achieve success and happiness when they can improve horizons and approach opportunities. Also, when going outside people get more relationships, which benefit their interaction and acquisition of helps. It is superficial to think that stay in villages can prevent people from competition, stress and pressure because the frog at the bottom of a well, all it can see is the little piece of sky formed by the rims of the well.