Posts by Albo

Albo

Oct 12, 2008

Scholarship / The National Merit Scholarship Essay - UF Essay Help [7]

Thanks very much for your input once again, I think I have everything I need to start this essay now (its a good thing too, I've been trying to write this essay for weeks, but I always put it off because I didn't know where to start).

Albo

Oct 12, 2008

Scholarship / The National Merit Scholarship Essay - UF Essay Help [7]

Thank you very much for your input Gloria, I'm working on those mechanical errors right now.
However, I now have two more questions.

The first has to do with a specific line of my essay- "Academically, my interests have always lied in the sciences." I was wondering which verb i should use where it says "lied", as I am fairly certain that this is an incorrect usage of the word when I look back at it. I have been looking at "laid", "lay", and "lain", but I just don't know which is correct.

My second question involves the UF essay topic. I was wondering if it would be acceptable to write about several similar experiences (possibly trips to certain museums and certain family vacations) that together led to my interest in biology. I ask this because I cannot pinpoint one specific experience that has had this impact, and I don't believe that I could write an essay using only one of these experiences without either running out of things to say or straying from the topic.

I appreciate any further advice anybody can give me.

Albo

Oct 12, 2008

Scholarship / The National Merit Scholarship Essay - UF Essay Help [7]

I should probably clear up my actual question, since the original post looks pretty jumbled.

I am basically hoping for a critique of the National Merit essay (which I will probably use for my Common Application Essay), as well as any recommendations on how to modify it to fit the University of Florida prompt, or perhaps any tips on picking a new topic for my essay (possibly one specific feature from my other essay, or just tell me that I should just find a completely new topic).

Thanks in advance for any help at all (at this point, I'll take any advice).

Albo

Oct 12, 2008

Undergraduate / Career goals and importance of college education in attaining them [12]

My career goal is to be a psychologist. My fervor for psychology and how the human mind works first came from my love of the show, "Law & Order". I fell in love with how Dr. George Huang (B.D. Wong), a forensic psychologist, helps the investigators solve cases. The way he would figure people out and know what they are really about caught my attention. My interest in psychology not only came from "Law & Order," but also my for my love for helping people and my dislike for seeing people suffer. I plan to take some courses in psychology during my senior year to prepare for college and an career in the field. Are you already in your senior year? Because if you are it might be better to say "I am taking some courses" instead.

I have researched careers and colleges on psychology, and I realized that there are many different careers that you can take a psychology major into. As of now, I don't know what type of psychologist I want to be. Many colleges and universities have great programs and internships for people with a psychology major. In order for me to become a Psychologist I will have to go through a great deal of school. I plan on earning my Bachelors degree, Master's degree, and Doctoral Degree. It may be more concise if you just mention the Doctoral Degree, as it can be assumed that you will acquire the others along the way, but I guess whether you include that or not is up to you, as it is correct either way.

While I am still contemplating on what kind of psychologist I want to be, I plan on working with different organizations that help people with problems whether they areeconomic, emotional, or physical. Economical is an archaic form of economic, so I recommend just using economic, but again, either way is technically correct.

I am no expert on essay writing, so I pretty much just tweaked some mechanical errors (I may have missed some, and some of my changes may not be correct, but I did the best that I could).

The essay seems pretty good to me, it addresses the topic and is fairly concise about it.
I wish you good luck at getting into whatever college this essay is for.

Albo

Oct 12, 2008

Scholarship / The National Merit Scholarship Essay - UF Essay Help [7]

I am currently working on my University of Florida application, and the only thing now standing in my way is the essay. The topic is as follows:

Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

So far, I have written only one essay, the National Merit Scholarship Essay. The essay basically said (I don't have exact topic as I already sent in my packet) to write about your interests, achievements, or background. My essay, shown below, mostly stuck to the "interests" aspect. I am now completely stuck on my UF essay (I have no clue what to write), and I need it done fairly soon, so I was wondering if anyone has any advice. I am thinking about modifying the National Merit Essay (which I am also considering doing for my Common Application essays, as I can choose an "Any Topic" option.

Basically, what I am asking, is if anyone can critique the essay I already wrote, and if anyone would help me out with modifying it for the UF topic or simply coming up with new ideas.

National Merit Essay:
Since the very beginning of human life we have felt a primordial urge to explore everything and anything possible, from new lands and exotic locations, all the way to the cosmos. This desire for discovery and thirst for knowledge is our very essence, part of what it means to be human.

For me, it is no different. As far back as I can remember I have felt this instinctual tug, and I constantly seek that knowledge that can satiate my thirst for understanding. This natural beckoning has led me to the one source of discovery left on this Earth, a true Final Frontier still in our own backyard, the ocean.

My interest in marine biology began as a young child, and it has only blossomed since. Living in Florida, I have been well exposed to the coastal ocean. Some of my fondest memories are walking down the beaches of Sanibel Island on my annual family vacation on what we called our "Adventure Walk".

While memories like these provided a foundation for my curiosity, it was through books that my passion for marine science really blossomed, as I learned of the mysteries of the deep ocean. It has always struck me as odd that more funds have been devoted to space exploration than to the discoveries we have yet to have made in our own home.

According to H.B. Stewart, "Only the ocean remains as the last great unexplored portion of our globe; so it is to the sea that man must turn to meet the last great challenge of exploration this side of outer space." This statement perfectly embodies my own fervor for marine biology. Because we have explored so little of our oceans (an estimated 2% by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), there remains a veritable goldmine of new discoveries.

Academically, my interests have always lied in the sciences, especially in courses like biology and marine science. My insatiable thirst for knowledge has led me to work hard in school. It is for this reason that I have always taken the most challenging courses available to me, and my grades have only been a fortunate byproduct of this drive for knowledge.

I will attend a university with a strong biological research department so that I may further my knowledge of biology in general, and eventually become a research scientist so that I may one day devote my efforts to studying deep sea biology. Undoubtedly, my goal in life is to discover new life the likes of which nobody could have imagined, and to make a tangible contribution to science's never-ending goal of understanding the world around us. There are, undoubtedly, thousands of discoveries yet to be made, and it is my personal belief that one only has to set his goals high and strive for success to begin to unravel the mysteries of the deep.