Writing Feedback / IELTS>major effect on personality:Characteristic we born or our life experiences? [5]

Please help me to get feedback on my essay. I need at least 6.5 for writing academic essay!

Cambridge Book 7- Test 4- Writing Task 2:
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we have in our life.

Which do you consider to be major influence?

Human is very complicated creature. Each human has his own special characteristics that make it unique among other humans. They are not only different in their appearance and physical characteristics, but also are different in their personality and internal characteristics. All of these aspects are shaped based on our genetic background and also our upbringing method. However, which one has more influence on human personality? Although some researches indicate that the characteristics that we inherent from our parents have more influence in our personality, I believe there are many examples that can deny this claim.

One of the best facts that deny the researcher's claim is the different personality of twins who have the same genetic characteristics. For example, there are many cases of sibling with physical resemblance that were born in the same family but grow in different environments and became very different people in term of personality.

Another hint needs to be add here, is the importance of education system. Generally speaking, if we accept this claim, then many of humans efforts for improving society will be useless. For example, we can say that nobody is guilty, because people who have violent personality, are born with this character and nobody can be blamed. Then, the punishment will be meaningless. Because we cannot punish a person for having a negative character that he or she has no control on that. Therefore, accepting this claim is ridiculous and makes the factor of authority useless.

Summary, I think that external factors such as our life experiences and our upbringing methods have major influence on our personality compared to the characteristics we are born with. [318 words]