Undergraduate / 'Muddy and sweaty uniform' - Early Decision essay for dartmouth [4]

I think this is a great essay and an excellent topic to write about. Apart from the grammatical errors, I would say there are a few things that you could improve on.

I would first of all try to start with something better than "My uniform was covered with mud and sweat". Maybe begin with "The stabbing hunger..." because that is a much better hook.

The story is pretty good and pretty well written. Maybe include a few more details about the experience. Try to include more sensory details instead of directly telling us what is happening. Such as instead of saying that "The lack of sustenance and accumulated fatigue were affecting all of us", show how this was happening by certain things you saw or felt in that moment.

I do think you need to work on your conclusion. You have to say why this experience is important. You do say that the friendship gained through this experience gave you the strength to finish your journey, but how does that make you a good candidate for Dartmouth or for any college? What is it about this bond that makes you special or unique? You have to answer the "so what" question in this essay?

Anyway, great job with the essay. Good luck with your admissions!