lmarie
Oct 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'My grandma's house' - your favorite places or scenes - descriptive essay [NEW]
we had to write a descriptive essay for english class, i struggled with this essay. If anyone has any idea's on how i can be more detailed or any grammar/puncuation problems that'd be great !!! thank you:)
here are the requirements:
Assignment: Write a 2-3 page (double-spaced) essay in which you describe one of your favorite places or scenes. You may describe a single scene, as if you were standing at a particular vantage point and describing the elements of the scene before you; or, you may describe what you see as you move through a past a particular locale, like rooms in your house or as you walk along a (short) section of a street. You may also describe what you see as you visit a location where people are engaged in various activities, like a mall or entertainment event.
You will be graded according to the success your essay demonstrates in the following three areas: structure, support, and style.
Structure: This essay should be formally structured, with an introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction should include the following three elements: introduction of topic (the particular scene you are describing), the purpose statement (the purpose of the essay), and the blueprint statement. To write a good blueprint statement, you will want to come up with a good organization plan for your essay, typically (but not always) consisting of a three-part structure.
Support: To be fully successful in this area, you will want to describe specific visual (but also possibly aural or tactile) details as accurately and as completely as you can. Don't settle for vague generalizations, like "it was really pretty": what elements in the scene result in the quality "pretty," for instance? You don't have to create a complete catalogue of everything you see; that would result in a much longer paper than I want you to write. You will want to be selective in your choice of details.
essay:
My grandma has lived in the same house for as long as I've known her. The house sits on an abandon road in Lima, Ohio. The house has never been in favor to me, actually it creeps me out to be quite honest. My grandparents always liked country type houses, but this house was more of a haunted house in my opinion.
There stands a wooden door on the side of the house; it's old and historic looking. I open the door, but the door did not give away easy. I gave it an extra shove and it swung open. The cold air enveloped my body as I stepped foot into the house. The layers and layers of clothes you put on couldn't keep the fridgeid air away from you. There's a musty odor in the air, it's a smell you never get used to. As I walk through the kitchen, the dark hardwood squeaks with every foot step I take, the floors cold, colder than the air. The hair on my neck begins to stand up as I approach the bottom of the steps.
All you see is darkness; it seems as if the steep steps lead to nowhere. I grab the railing and walk up the cold green carpeted steps. I feel as if I'm walking up a mountain, a cold draft swishes through the hallway and hits my face as I finally make it to the top of the steps. I look to my left and walk into a dark green room. It feels empty, just a bed, a small old TV and a night stand with an antique lap sitting on it. I laid my stuff down next to the bed and begin un-packing, dreading my stay.
From the far left of the nightstand, I open the closet, I turn the knob, but it's stuck; I try my hardest to open the dark wooden door. Finally the door flies open as I'm jerked backed, surprised. The closets dark and big, big enough to walk into. I slowly step in, anticipating what could be hiding. I reach up for a light and pull, the closet becomes illuminated. The closet is empty with an exception for a medium size wooden box; it's dusty and locked with a place for a key. I stare at the box for a while, trying to figure out what it could be for. I give up, pull the light out and crawl into bed.
The room is pitch black; my eyes don't adjust to the darkness. The house is dead silent; it feels like I'm the only one here. I cover myself in the stiff flower print comforter. The room is gets colder and colder. I begin hearing creaks from what seems to be downstairs. I raise the blankets further over my head in fear. I peek over the top of the blanket to see that the heavy wooden door, that was shut, is now cracked open.
I shut my eyes, pretending to be sleeping, but I toss and turn all night. The bed squeaks with every move I make. Out of the corner of my eye I see a light, I turn around, and the bathroom light is on. I creep across the cold hard wood and pull open the heavy door, the hallway carries a draft, I cross my arms protecting myself from the cold. It's dark; I feel my way through the wallpaper walls of the hallway to the bathroom. The doors shut, all I see the light shining through the cracks of the door. I hear shuffling in the bathroom, I give two faint knocks. The light immdentaley shut off and the door swings open. A tall shadow appears from bathroom, I shuffle backwards scared for my life. "Sweetie is that you" a voice like my grandma says. My body relaxes, and the cold hallway feels like it warmed up knowing that my grandma's here with me.
My grandma invited me downstairs for hot chocolate. The hallway didn't seem so dark and cold; the steps didn't seem so steep and the hair on my neck relaxed. My grandma's house didn't seem so bad after all, as long as you're not alone.
we had to write a descriptive essay for english class, i struggled with this essay. If anyone has any idea's on how i can be more detailed or any grammar/puncuation problems that'd be great !!! thank you:)
here are the requirements:
Assignment: Write a 2-3 page (double-spaced) essay in which you describe one of your favorite places or scenes. You may describe a single scene, as if you were standing at a particular vantage point and describing the elements of the scene before you; or, you may describe what you see as you move through a past a particular locale, like rooms in your house or as you walk along a (short) section of a street. You may also describe what you see as you visit a location where people are engaged in various activities, like a mall or entertainment event.
You will be graded according to the success your essay demonstrates in the following three areas: structure, support, and style.
Structure: This essay should be formally structured, with an introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction should include the following three elements: introduction of topic (the particular scene you are describing), the purpose statement (the purpose of the essay), and the blueprint statement. To write a good blueprint statement, you will want to come up with a good organization plan for your essay, typically (but not always) consisting of a three-part structure.
Support: To be fully successful in this area, you will want to describe specific visual (but also possibly aural or tactile) details as accurately and as completely as you can. Don't settle for vague generalizations, like "it was really pretty": what elements in the scene result in the quality "pretty," for instance? You don't have to create a complete catalogue of everything you see; that would result in a much longer paper than I want you to write. You will want to be selective in your choice of details.
essay:
My grandma has lived in the same house for as long as I've known her. The house sits on an abandon road in Lima, Ohio. The house has never been in favor to me, actually it creeps me out to be quite honest. My grandparents always liked country type houses, but this house was more of a haunted house in my opinion.
There stands a wooden door on the side of the house; it's old and historic looking. I open the door, but the door did not give away easy. I gave it an extra shove and it swung open. The cold air enveloped my body as I stepped foot into the house. The layers and layers of clothes you put on couldn't keep the fridgeid air away from you. There's a musty odor in the air, it's a smell you never get used to. As I walk through the kitchen, the dark hardwood squeaks with every foot step I take, the floors cold, colder than the air. The hair on my neck begins to stand up as I approach the bottom of the steps.
All you see is darkness; it seems as if the steep steps lead to nowhere. I grab the railing and walk up the cold green carpeted steps. I feel as if I'm walking up a mountain, a cold draft swishes through the hallway and hits my face as I finally make it to the top of the steps. I look to my left and walk into a dark green room. It feels empty, just a bed, a small old TV and a night stand with an antique lap sitting on it. I laid my stuff down next to the bed and begin un-packing, dreading my stay.
From the far left of the nightstand, I open the closet, I turn the knob, but it's stuck; I try my hardest to open the dark wooden door. Finally the door flies open as I'm jerked backed, surprised. The closets dark and big, big enough to walk into. I slowly step in, anticipating what could be hiding. I reach up for a light and pull, the closet becomes illuminated. The closet is empty with an exception for a medium size wooden box; it's dusty and locked with a place for a key. I stare at the box for a while, trying to figure out what it could be for. I give up, pull the light out and crawl into bed.
The room is pitch black; my eyes don't adjust to the darkness. The house is dead silent; it feels like I'm the only one here. I cover myself in the stiff flower print comforter. The room is gets colder and colder. I begin hearing creaks from what seems to be downstairs. I raise the blankets further over my head in fear. I peek over the top of the blanket to see that the heavy wooden door, that was shut, is now cracked open.
I shut my eyes, pretending to be sleeping, but I toss and turn all night. The bed squeaks with every move I make. Out of the corner of my eye I see a light, I turn around, and the bathroom light is on. I creep across the cold hard wood and pull open the heavy door, the hallway carries a draft, I cross my arms protecting myself from the cold. It's dark; I feel my way through the wallpaper walls of the hallway to the bathroom. The doors shut, all I see the light shining through the cracks of the door. I hear shuffling in the bathroom, I give two faint knocks. The light immdentaley shut off and the door swings open. A tall shadow appears from bathroom, I shuffle backwards scared for my life. "Sweetie is that you" a voice like my grandma says. My body relaxes, and the cold hallway feels like it warmed up knowing that my grandma's here with me.
My grandma invited me downstairs for hot chocolate. The hallway didn't seem so dark and cold; the steps didn't seem so steep and the hair on my neck relaxed. My grandma's house didn't seem so bad after all, as long as you're not alone.