Undergraduate / Describe a personal service experience in your high school or community [2]

Hi...I need some help editing this essay as well. Does it answer the question well? or is it a little too dry?

Describe a personal service experience in your high school or community, what you gained from this experience and how it reflects the unique values of the college (medicine program).

The summer heat blazed as I stepped onto the train envisioning my day at Mount Sinai Hospital. I was working on a research project at Mount Sinai Hospital in the Ophthalmology Department. My research focused on glaucoma, a group of diseases that lead to damage in the eye and the optic nerve because of higher intraocular pressure (IOP). Higher intraocular pressure is caused by the improper drainage of the aqueous humor through the trabecular meshwork (drainage canals).

In an effort to understand the effects of current laser procedures being administered, our project consisted of the ALT (argon laser trabeculoplasty) and its effectiveness over repeat procedures. The ALT targets the drainage system and causing it to shrink resulting in empty, adjacent areas to appear allowing the fluid to flow faster.

Patients were selected according to the number of times the procedure was done to one eye as well as the time period during which it was done. Patients were also used only if IOP was recorded within one week pre-operation, the day of the operation, an hour post-op, the first month post-op, and for a period of at least 12 months post-op.

As we began collecting data from the patients' charts, the information we found was inputted into an Excel sheet organized according the dates of the ALTs. The collected data will have results that will enable clinicians to improve clinical care by making more informed choices to treat their patients.

At Mount Sinai I gained invaluable knowledge and as I interned I learned about the back-stage scenes in medicine and how and why countless numbers of people are saved. I learned to become further motivated toward medicine; I also learned how to become even more independent. Not only did this internship teach me about motivation, independence and hard work. I also learned about the importance of teamwork and the commitment needed in the medical field have towards one another. Any doctor or person unable to take the advice of others or their team members is subject to disappointment because they fail to use the diversity available to their advantage.

My time at Mount Sinai will allow me to bring these beliefs and characteristics to the Siena College and Albany Medical School Program. I have always dreamed of becoming a doctor because I want to help people. This internship experience has allowed me to believe that I can do it and fulfill my dream.

Undergraduate / Describe interests, their evolution and what makes them exciting (college) [NEW]

Hi...I'm sorry for posting another essay...but i need some advice and help with editing it--mechanically and whether or not it answers the question. THANK YOU!!!

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

The red light began beeping indefinitely. The tweezers kept bordering the silver lining with no effort on their part to terminate the annoying sound of losing. The light beeped again reflecting the frustration the tweezers felt. Although the focus had wavered, they continued, they returned for the organs making the beeping subside. Operation was only a game, but I learned a valuable lesson from the incensing beeping it made.

Though the beeping sound seemed useless to a young child, it became extremely prevalent in my life as a young adult. As a child, I worked at the game until I was able to pull each organ without touching the sensors. I would attempt the game every day, soon becoming tolerant of the screaming beeps, and eventually I was able to succeed. Since I played that game, I have done nothing but work to my fullest potential each day.

The game was a reference for my inspiration, it taught me to work hard so I can succeed. As school progressed, and homework increased, I noticed something different. I was putting much more effort into my work; I began thinking of my future and what I wanted to do. From enjoying television, candy and toys, I began pondering the world of science and mathematics. Not only did my academic interests become more prevalent I also began changing my perspective on my extracurricular activities. It was like playing Operation all over again. I worked and worked until my form was perfected and like the game, the "lights" of success never disappeared.

My hard work and my love for the sciences never disappeared as well; both brought me so many opportunities and without either I would not have become the person I am today. The work that brought me closer to my dreams allowed me to enter into a research program that would permit me to expand my passion for medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital. There I learned of the minute details of working as a doctor, compiling research projects, and discovering how time consuming the career is, but despite that I continued to work harder, I continued to crave my dream even more.

Now, as a senior, I look forward to attend the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University for a chance to quench my thirst for knowledge. With its prestigious biology and undergraduate research programs, I believe that Cornell University will enable me indulge in learning about everything possible.