Posts by prahasi17

prahasi17

Dec 12, 2011

Undergraduate / UCF Essays- "Moving into a higher gear" and "Once a knight, always a knight" [NEW]

Hey :) So here are my two UCF essays. The prompts I ansered are "How as your family, history, culture or enviormental influenced who you are?" and "Why did you choose to apply to UCF?"

First essay
Moving into a higher gear

When I was 12, I moved to a place where I never expected I would like. From the heavy traffic to the amazing street food everywhere, there's no doubt my stay in India has been my most memorable expiences. I went to go live with my grandparents, whom I know consider my seond parents. I lived in the city Hyderabad, which is like the New York of India. My time over there was the most amazing four years of my life, and it shaped me into a completely different person. Before I moved to India, I was quiet and reserved. After starting school in a whole new world, I didn't have trouble adjusting at all, because everyone was like me; in the long run, it was these people who shaped me to become the smart and beautiful girl I am today. They encouraged me to start new things, and helped me adjust to my new life. I realized that I should be proud of both myself and my culture. I became more family-oriented, and started to do a lot of community service, like helping feed the poor. Not only did I change at heart, I looked at life in a different perspective. I started working harder in school, and making my parents proud. I discovered my true talents, like painting, writing poetry and playing the guitar. My personality changed dramatically, from being the shy girl in the back of the room to the most talkative girl that everybody wanted to be friends with. Overall, it was just staggering to realize there was much more to me than I had ever even imagined. Personality wasn't the only thing that changed about me; I grew up in the most mature way possible. I think carefully before doing something, and the examples set by my parents and peers have become meticulous with my action.

Second essay
Once a knight, always a knight

When I first opened the UCF website, there was a big yellow photo slideshow that showed the UCF creed: Integrity, Scholarship, Community, Creativity and Excellence. My mind started wondering "What do all those things have to do with UCF?" My mouse magically started to click away on the different links throughout the website. As I learned more about UCF, I realized it had many aspects to it that really suited me as a person. It seems like there's an amazing student body. I love to play basket-ball and golf, so I definitely want to help take the Knights athletics department to a whole different level. Also, with over 216 different degrees, I'm sure I'll never have trouble deciding what I want to do in life. Sometimes, I can see myself sitting outside on the grass on the 1,415-acre campus. I feel like going to UCF is just the change I need, to discover something else about me. Mainly, I want to go to a place that will make me feel at home; and ultimately, help me become the shining knight I truly am.

I NEED ADVICE I FEEL THESE ESSAYS AREN'T WORTHY ENOUGH. help me :(
thanks :)

xoxo,
Prahasi

prahasi17

Dec 12, 2011

Speeches / 'the Boston police arrested 4 drunken teenagers' - High school 2mins short speech [4]

hey :) Your summary is really good but there's a few errors.

Here, I corrected some things in these few sentnces.

The party drew over 100 people and caused at least $45,000 in damages. The homeowners described the house as "blood and even urine smeared on the floors and walls, and basketball-sized holes in the walls, a burned antique sofa, flour stuffed down the toilets, doors pulled down and windows smashed."

Take out "sort off". That makes the essay looks informal. Instead, it should be something like However, I think this report is biased, because it doesn't tell the readers why the 4 teenagers commited such a terrible act, and the article hasn't even provided opinions from the teenagers' point of view. Even though the report does say that the teenagers were drunk, it's still not clear or convincing enough to show that those teens are the ones who initially started the party.

I think this news channel needs to provide braoder points of view when reporting incidents like these.

Take out And, and just start with I. I also think that we should help watch out and look after our neighbors' houses when they're gone. This way, we can avoid many similar acts happenening. There should be a higher age limit for drinking alcohol and stricter laws should be implemented to prevent teenagers get in touch with drugs.

Hoped I help :) Good luck :)
xoxo,
Prahasi

prahasi17

Dec 12, 2011

Grammar, Usage / "Is" or "of?" "That of" - usage [7]

My greatest pride is taken in that of the soldiers is gramatically correct. And it's always beter to be safe than sorry. Also, it basically depends on what your essay is about.

prahasi17

Oct 31, 2011

Undergraduate / "Lost, yet complete"- UF Prompt and Essay [NEW]

I just finished my UF app and i really need some suggestions because I dont know if its really good. :) :)
heres the prompt:

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

heres my essay:

"Bye grandma and grandpa" I said to my grandparents, whom I spent the last four years with, as I boarded the gigantic white airplane that was bound to take me back to my real home. I took a deep breath and entered the aircraft, pushing my way through the string of people that I was going to spend the next 36 hours with. I took my seat, and looked out the window into the dark sky up above. After a few minutes, the attendant signals that the plane is ready for take-off. As the plane is taking off, I look out into the city that I somewhat grew to love after four years. A tear slid down my cheek as my whole world became farther and farther away, until it was out of my life forever.After a while, I started thinking about how my life progressed in these four years, and how I found my-self.

Growing up in India was the most amazing four years of my life. Before I moved to India, I was quiet and reserved, and I felt like the whole world was just my imagination. After I went over there, I was surrounded by people just like me, and that in the long run helped me sculpt myself in my own way, and really brought out my true colors. India was just the power boost I needed. People accepted me for who I was, and I made friendships that I knew would last forever. I realized that I should be proud of my-self, my culture, and my family. My personality changed dramatically, from being the shy little girl in the back of the room to the most talkative girl that everybody wanted to be friends with. I was me, flaws and everything, and not like those other fake girls who just follow everyone else. I have my own talents and capabilities. I found out I'm pretty good at basket-ball, and writing poetry is defenitly something I should have started a long time ago. I love helping people, and I was and still am always there for my peers, no matter if their my best friend or my enemy. I signed up for every club or sport I could, because I'm the type of person that never gives up too easily on anything.

I suddenly woke up from my deep thinking, and saw that the plane had just landed. I stretched my bare arms and looked out the window, into the sunny bright world that awaits me. I see my parents standing near the exit, and I run to them, a smile creeping up on my face. India is something I'll never forget, and the memories will be implanted in my mind forever, but now it's time to start a new chapter. My new life at UF.

Backround: I lived in india for four years, and im trying to descibe my expeirence as if I was dreaming while on the plane ride home. Is it a good idea? Could I change anything?

xoxo,
prahasi :)