Posts by wayne

wayne

Nov 1, 2011

Undergraduate / 'This opportunity of leading my house' - meaningful event [5]

yeah you need to explain how your leadership skills will apply to UF. tell what you can do for them and how UF will also help you and benefit you. i didn't see any moajor grammar mistakes except maybe you should put 'learned' instead of 'learnt'.

wayne

Oct 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I believe I can make a change' - Uf [2]

i just did this essay for UF and would like some feedback and if i made any mistakes and what i can do to make it better

the question to the essay is :In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service

heres my essay:

Many people have asked me what I want to do with my life and where I see myself in the next five years. I have seen this question asked to my peers and I have found that most of them have no idea how to answer this question. On the other hand, I have thought much about this and I know exactly what I want to do with my life, especially for the next four years at college. I have chosen Criminology as my choice of study and career and I know that there are no rewards in this field unless I work hard and strive to gain as much information on the subject as I can. This is only possible if I am admitted to the University of Florida and able pursue my studies in Criminology there. I am a highly motivated individual who really has high aspirations in life and I am very much motivated to study at a college level.

I want to attend University of Florida because I believe I can make a change. I have many family members and close family friends that either have been or are drug addicts and have had a life of crime. I have seen how drugs and crime have affected people's families and even their own lives. I love helping people and I want to be able to make a change. It hurts to see loved ones go to prison or die from their crimes or drug addictions and I believe no one deserves to know how that feels. Lots of people say that cops and other enforcement officers do very little to change lives and to help people but I want to be that change. I want to be able to help stop crime and drugs and save innocent lives and help my community and improve life in our society. I know how it feels to see loved ones lose everything they have and I have seen too many tears and I want to help end it and help others restart their lives onto the right path.